You want explanations that I don't have
What I have is the truth
And the truth is that
When I met you
You stabbed my body to death
and left it in a dumpster by a forgotten road
Now what's left of me wants you and only you
In every unfortunate version of this unfortunate world
I am repeating the same thing over and over again
In some, I am saying "I will die without you"
In others, I am already dead.
Posted Jul 26, 2022, 6:35 AM UTC
yesss, love the punchline! really well done :) and i hope you're okay
Yes, I'm okay Thanks for asking
Wow, this is amazing. The imagery is staggering. The lines "You stabbed my body to death
and left it in a dumpster by a forgotten road" require a double take to understand that this is figurative but that's the best part, you know? It's great that you're making the reader do some work: getting over their initial shock and then realizing that this didn't LITERALLY happen. The last two lines are haunting and really emphasize the emotional distress/stockholm syndrome plaguing the narrator. Really nice job!
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I like this, really makes me think about what is happening. Is it somebody using you for answers you don’t have, or perhaps not liking those you do have. Whatever the reasoning it is a really visceral picture you paint. I can’t wait to see what you do next.
Love this. Feels very hopeless, empty. I like that you used “my body” instead of “me” bc it makes it feel so distant, like something so far in the past that it’s no longer real. Or out of reach. I can feel the loneliness on top of yearning with this and I also feel empathy for the narrator as it also comes off with a tinge of self sabotage from my perspective. The last line really makes me sit with that feeling. I dig it.