This last four bars are so good. We’ve all been that person looking for someone else to blame, and it made me think if I’ve ever been that for someone else. 

Very well crafted and it reads beautifully

A perfect insight into the psyche of the modern human. We are taught to wear our pain (caused by society and the people it produces) with pride and then we try to shift and channel that onto others in an almost self-fulfilling prophecy...it's almost like it was designed ;)  


Poetically this is eloquent and has a pure and simple rhythm that almost disarms the underlying torment and tragedy.

Thank you! Sometime in the future I'll write poetry that doesn't rhyme.

Nice work! It is very direct, and disarmingly simple in style. Some phrases are odd an ear accustomed to English idiom, for instance "into gems to be worn".

I like the theme of the poem but I feel your talent is restrained by the need to rhyme the poem. 

While the poem is simple and conveys the message, I feel you could hit the reader harder by using figures of speech more effectively, though it is a choice really.

very simple but still such a great way of portraying your struggles. the last four lines are especially beautiful. well done!!

this poem was so nicely written! I love how you explained how the person's tears had to be turned into gems like jewelry, I'm not sure but for me it seems as a way to convert something sad in a way it's beautifully sad! I love the ryhme and everything and is indeed a basic harsh reality in life

this is pretty good. i like how straightforward it is while still painting a picture. “i think i just needed a person to blame, so i could be happy with who i became” is really beautiful. keep it up!

It really paints a vivid picture. I don't know why really but it was like a movie in my head, something out from the 60's. 
Melancholic but beautifully written.

I love it, the last 4 lines are chilling. They say as the person isn’t happy with they’ve become

this was very moving for me personally.  the rhyming structure is very solid, i love it. i like how the gems to be worn could be metaphorical or literal as some people soothe their pain be buying expensive jewelry. the ambiguity of it is interesting.

There is only but truth in these few words. Specially for someone who've had enough in life. It takes courage to put up a smile when you are at your weakest, and to realize your mistake after all.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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I like the simplicity and ease of reading, the lines are so quick to digest that I felt disarmed by the end, like I wasn't sure what had just happened. the topic is modern and current, yet timeless as well, a topic that has been written about before, but this individual experience and context in time came through well for me. my one critique would be the line starting "sometimes", which read off-rhythm for me. maybe intentional, maybe intended as a pothole along an otherwise smooth ride. I like the lack of conclusion or outcome, this sounds like an experience in time, one that evoked some of my own emotional memory, a lovely lamentation.

It's hard to look pretty

when your smile is torn

so I turned all my tears 

into gems to be worn 

Well that wasn't enough

so I took to the street 

"I promise my soul 

to the first man I meet" 

I had made a mistake 

Sometimes that's all love is 

I never wanted 

my soul to be his 

I think I just needed 

a person to blame 

so I could be happy 

with who I became 


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w1pu6y/forget_is_decay/igovpm7?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w17kbu/envy/igox79r?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

Flawed