Life is an abomination
This might be a little different as it's not really a personal issue. I don't consider myself to be depressed or have any kind of issue though. My life looks totally fine from the outside. Just getting ready to go to university and to start living. The problem is that I don't want to and no one seems to understand this. No one seems to care about this.
It's so tiring to be here and I honestly don't understand those who are glad for life and enjoy it. I struggle to get through each day yet I am not doing anything at all. I simply don't want to be here in this world. Honestly why should I? Why should I want to live in this world which is filled with suffering, evil, wars, death and torture? I seriously hate this whole freaking universe and existence itself. Life is based on violence. I literally have to hurt and destory other beings to live. What the actual hell is this?
People just keep telling me to focus on the good things. To focus on some stupid selfish pleasure. Only to distract myself from it like an idiot. We can't exist without harming others and it's been going on for billions of years. And for what? For nothing at all. There's literally screaming every single second and I am going crazy from it. I cannot stop thinking about it. Even if we are gone it's still the same. Wild animals eating each other alive then procreating to have more offsprings who will do the same. This is a freaking abomination. Life and existence is an abomination.
I just want peace. That's it. Is this too much to ask for? I would want to live if this place would be good. A place filled with peace and compassion but no. I have to live in this literal hell. Only because my parents were ignorant and now I have to suffer for this. I am thinking about death every single day. I can't really cry much but I am always screaming internally. The pain has never been greater. The worst thing is that there's no end of it.
This thing goes so far and wide that nothing can keep me here. There's no excuse for this horror. I literally think that my fate is to kill myself. If not now then in the future. It is simply inevitable. Nothing can stop this and there's no end of it. There's no hope. I want death.
Posted Jul 29, 2022, 3:07 PM UTC
life does suck . and there are some goods. ALl i can say is you should come into a position where you are able to explore it all to make a decision. the world will never conform to your ideals, but this doesn't mean you have to conform those ideals to realities disappointment. i am going through something simlar and i found that just trying to study, learn, explore and understand provides some peace of mind.
It might work for you and I am glad if it does but death is my only shelter. The end is my only hope.
alr i understand death is peace its a form of enlightenment being in a state of absolute neutrality, but its coming anyways y not wait a little longer. i attempted suicide and i felt peace for a moment but i was saved and 2 years later i feel a touch better.