I need help. I just want it all to stop.(18/f)

I've had problems with my parents since I started puberty. Constantly fighting to do what I want and live for myself. But, in the past two years, it has gotten worse.

I have always had anxiety. Constant worry. But recently it has been bad. I can't stop thinking and it interferes with daily activities, my grades and even makes me just want to stay home and cry. I blame it on my mom. She constantly yells at me for everything. Always telling me how I'm doing everything wrong and never ever making me feel good. She tells me if I don't do good in school I just end up another loser. She even goes as far as to pick on how I look. Telling me how my hair looks stupid. I look gross and anorexic. Even told me I look ugly. I already have problems with confidence because I have had acne on my arms for years. And there is always something wrong with them so I can't wear anything nice and it makes me feel disgusting. It weighs heavy on me and my dad just lets her do it. He doesn't say a thing to her when she does it.

On top of already having other troubles, I've had a bf for the past 2 years....and just a month ago he moved to Hawaii to be with his father. I thought he was going to come back....but now he says he doesn't want to because of his alcoholic mother. I've been given the amazing oppurtunity to go see him for a great price and I have the money.

But my parents won't let me. They won't even consider it. And my bf is mad because I'm letting them do this to our relationship. A relationship that wouldn't even have any problems in the first place if it wasn't for my mother. He says it is an easy way out but he doesn't get it. He doesn't get what it's like. I literally feel like they would never let me out of the house if I tried to go to the airport. So of course, like I have my whole life, I let them win and do what they want. I've never done anything for myself. It has always been for them. So that maybe for once they would think of me as an amazing daughter....but so far. Nothing has worked.

And now I'm stuck with all these problems and I don't want to deal with it. I just want to kill myself. I can't take crying and feeling completely hopeless and depressed. I never do anything right and I'll never be able to make people fully proud of me. I want so badly to be out. Out on my own. To get away from all this negativity and to feel good about myself for once. I mean, if I visit my bf it would only be just a vacation....but they make me feel so horrible for even thinking about it.

I feel like no one should have to deal with parents who make their children feel so low. And I don't know what to do anymore. I need help before I completely break. Before I lose control of myself and just ruin my life.