I need an opinion from people who have experienced all this.

I will try to keep this brief because I tend to ramble and go off topic. Basically I want to know peoples opinions on what I am going through. Since I started college (uk no us) I went from normal to feeling down all the time and contemplating suicide on a daily basis. I have always been very pragmatic about it, i am not melodramatic, just don't see being alive as very fun. Since starting Uni this has become alot worse, almost unbearable. I am off now but just a friend saying something like 'we start again in a month' can result in me making an excuse to go home and talk to no one for a few days.

I have ups and downs, on my worst days I break down completely and cannot stop crying, but on the other hand I have days when I feel fine, so i question how bad I can really be.

I don't get cut myself or anything like that, but When i am feeling bad I do strange things like bite my fingers or push things like pends into my hands, It doesn't hurt too much and relives a lot of stress.

I never let anyone around me see me as anything but exceedingly happy but It is almost always an act to not worry them. When I feel really bad I think about asking for help, but then I will have a good day and can't help but think If i had a real problem I would not have days when I feel good.

Basically, What should I do?

Sorry for the wall of words