I don't know what to do anymore...

im not even going to go into depth on my life right now because well, that would be one hell of a novel. but i have finally been diagnosed with severe depression not too long ago, maybe like 3 months ago, but i have known pretty much all of my life. i think about suicide constantly, i've been put on suicide watch, hospitalized and put into a psychiatric facility, i've tried several times to kill myself (jumped into traffic, jumped in front of a train, took 4 hand fulls of pills) but there's always a complication of some sorts to stop the act of dying or someone who tries to "save" me. im just so sick of everything and i don't know what i want out of life and people have offered me help numerous times and i just tell them to piss off because they never help anyways because how is someone else supposed to help me when i dont even know how to help myself, right? im just so tired of being tired and i want to off myself already. And i don't even know where i'm going with this anymore... i'm sorry, i'm not really looking for any help i just wanted to rant and maybe find a chat buddy who would want to talk about our lives together and well... pretty much just to compare lives with and see who's is worse. /: thanks reddit.