Confused about what to do

Really don't know how to start this topic. Quite a difficult story to elaborate on, but at this point desperation as set in. I am not one to look for anyone for sympathy or pity. Only two people know about one of these situations. One of them, being an ex-girlfriend, only received it through texting the night it had dawned upon me that this had occurred in my life. This is not an easy subject for me to talk about and has caused numerous problems throughout my life. One of which is getting in trouble with the law; which, recently happened again. This current situation has arisen a darker side of myself that has laid dormant for awhile.

As a child I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Typically kind words were hardly ever spread to one another. My father was the leader of this hate within our family. He physically, mentally, and sexually abused my brother and I as a child. There are significantly large portions of our childhood that have been forgotten. We were repeatedly abused on a daily basis, he was a alcoholic who found enjoyment in torturing others. Unfortunately, being the youngest my brother and father would team up and cause severely demoralizing and hateful acts against me. For example, they would hold me down and my father would dribble luggies onto my face whenever he felt it necessary. In order for my brother to fit in, he would help perpetrate these acts against me. This is, but a miniscule act of what he would do. Being told repeatedly that you are a worthless individual who is nothing in this world can cause quite a disturbance in one's psyche growing up. This went on for 11/12 years of my life, until my parents got a divorce. I have never really valued my own existence. I can remember sitting on the back porch of my house with a knife in my hand, wanting to just slit my wrists and call it a day. Occasional thoughts of suicide would enter my head, providing me with a relief from this torture.

Jump ahead about 12 years later and my brother commits suicide on Christmas eve. I never cried nor break down about this to anyone. It was as if the only possible course of action was to stay strong and keeping going forward. After his death I divulged myself in school work and graduated from college less than a couple of months ago. However, this recent run in with the law has brought my world crashing. When I thought everything was going fine, I mess up and start to have the thoughts that existed after my brother passed away. I take full responsibility for my actions with the law, but this is only one of many problems in my life. I am an alcoholic with a genetic disposition to being one. My father died at a young age (46) from alcohol and my brother committed suicide when he was intoxicated. After this run in with the law I have stopped drinking alcohol. Unfortunately, another problem has arisen.

The individual who basically took the position of my brother when he passed away, completely stopped hanging out with me. I have tried numerous times to have him hang out, but all he wants to do is drink. I have told him that that is something that I do not want to do anymore and he says he will come hang out, but I always get bailed on. Currently my life seems like it is going in a downward spiral. I feel that it is cowardly and wrong to blame my current situation on my up bringing, but I really don't know what to do. This entire situation has been perplexing me for awhile and I am becoming more and more frustrated. Over the last couple of years reddit has brought be joy and satisfaction. So, it only feels right to ask other people what I should do? or some advice? Really all I want right now is a close friend.

TL:DR: Abused by father for 11 years, brother committed suicide, continuously getting in trouble with the law, quit drinking, best friend stopped hanging out with me, and just want help or advice.

Sorry if there is mistypes or fragment sentences, this was rushed.