[30m] loving girlfriend (25) suddenly says she's never loved me, help
I am 30, girlfriend is 25, together for 2 years, on verge of moving in.
Met my girlfriend through mutual friends. She has a troubled background: never had a serious relationship before, alcoholic mum, sexually assaulted by stepdad as a child, went through therapy but very shy, has trouble trusting people and opening up. She was reluctant to even date but we eventually got after six months and that was when she explained what happened to her in more detail.
She only told me she loved me a year into the relationship and doesn't say it often but smiles when I do, which I appreciate and is good enough for me. She cares for me in all the little ways and is supportive. The sex is great and we are physically attracted to each other. We get along well and I cannot help but think I finally found the one.
We have been discussing sharing an apartment for a while now but yesterday she suddenly had a breakdown and said she cannot do this anymore. She said she has tried her best to be a good girlfriend to me, that she cares for me and thinks I am a wonderful boyfriend, did nothing wrong but that she doesn't think she loves me or could love me. She said everything she has done was just mimicry, not "fake" but not genuine either and that more than before, she lies awake at night wondering if what we have was love. She felt guilty about breaking my heart and wasting my time and that I should probably break up with her and move on because I obviously love her more, deserve better and the situation is unfair and that she can't continue...
I believe her because she's always been honest even though she isn't very good at talking about feelings. I don't think she is cheating on me because she has hang ups about sex. We haven't broken up yet but will discuss it later today.
She wants to go for therapy to solve out her issues - ALONE. I want to be there for her but I don't want to hinder her recovery. She says simply being with me while healing herself makes her feel guilty and pressured and that she doesn't want a temporary break because she cannot offer false hope. I really think there is a chance and our love is worth fighting for. This girl means the world to me, I'm so confused and heartbroken.
Should I agree to break-up and wait for her? Do you think there is a chance she will come around? She's never done this before and I thought everything was perfect! We were even talking about moving in together, getting married, children... Any insights and advice is appreciated!
tl;dr Been with girl with traumatic past for 2 years, talking about moving in, suddenly she tells me she's never loved me and isn't capable of love and wants to break up
Posted Jul 10, 2012, 6:00 AM UTC