I figured out what my depression stems from.

On a fundamental level, I believe that I am neither capable nor worthy of happiness. So when my life starts to go on an upswing, my mind decides that that's not supposed to happen, that I'm not allowed to be happy, that the misery is at least familiar.

I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I've never seen one except in fiction. So when my relationships start to stabilize, I destabilize.

I'm sick of this. I want to be able to tell myself that I deserve better than this bullshit. I want to be able to want something better than an abusive relationship.

I'm on medication. I've been seeing therapists through my university (so nobody at the moment, since I'm with family for the summer). I don't know how to break this cycle.

I just want someone to sit down with me and let me cry for awhile without trying to give advice or change the subject or tell me that it's not that bad. Is that so much to ask for?