I thought I beat depression, frustrated to find I haven't

How do you ever beat it? I'm just like the many posters here, with my own life, my own mundane problems. I've gone through all the motions, the deep emotionally destructive thoughts, the substance abuse, suicide attempts, all the good stuff. I thought I pulled myself out of the hole, thought I had my life back on track. I thought I could finally move on. Within the past week, I've regressed back into a place I don't want to be in.

I don't think you can beat it. I think you can bury yourself in work so you can remain distracted, but not beat it. I think some of us just have a predisposition to living miserable lives, however pretentious that statement may be. I mean, objectively speaking, most of us have it pretty fucking good. Why is it then that we can't enjoy it? It's as if we are incapable of taking pleasure in anything! We're a strange group, us depressed folks. We lay awake at night, hating the fact that we're depressed because we really have no inherent right to be. We aren't starving, most of us aren't suffering from chronic pain or a terminable disease. But at the same time, we can't help it! We just feel so shitty all the time, and the realization of how dramatic and whiny we are by being depressed frustrates us further, making things worse.

Some of us really can't afford to be this way. Some of us have jobs that require undying commitment and high levels of morale. Some of us have to guard some of the most important military resources of the worlds most powerful military force in extreme weather conditions for extended periods of time. There's no room for depressed individuals. How am I supposed to be trusted with a weapon, when I can't say for certain that I wont stick the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger?

I may not make it to next year, guys. I've lurked this subreddit for a very long time, sometimes have cried during my lowest points. I found solace in the community. Knowing I'm not the only one out there who has these thoughts does help, as cliche as that may sound.

I don't expect anyone to read this, as per our modus operandi, this is largely a way to vent. But a dialogue is always welcome, regardless of whether you're seeking help, or seeking those who need help.

Thanks for always listening, whoever you are.