Ministers daughter :(

I just need to vent some... Okay so my mom is a minister and I know the bible like the back of my hand. I'm in fuckin hell I can never come out without her and my while family disowning me. Plus being frowned upon the church. I know that I like girls because I've been in one secret so called relationship before. and even without my mom knowing she still managed to fuck up that with a girl that I loved. She was everything I wanted in a girl. We were young,wild and reckless. Man do I miss her and now we don't even talk or anything. Plus I've kind of always known. But in my mind it's always been wrong because of how I was raised and all. UGH I hate it so much. Oh and I live in the south I love it but hate it. I hunt and fish and shit and I always wear my cowboy boots yes I said cowboy and not cowgirl. Damn, things would be so much easier if I were a boy. Shit I don't even live the "christian" way. I drink,smoke, cuss and do it all wrong. Sometimes I just wanna scream FUCK YOU at the top of my lungs. I'm so sorry it's so damn long but thanks for listenin.