RAW advice in ASCII

"ENJOY YOUR MEAL" // "YOU TOO" "GOOD" IS "GOD" WITH ONE LESS "O" // "EVIL" IS "DEVIL" WITH A "D" "I DON'T HATE THE 1%" // "I WANT EVERYONE TO BE IN THE 1%" "I DON'T KNOW IF LEGAL WILL LET US DO THIS" // A WEEK LATER, STILL HASN'T CHECKED WITH LEGAL "OVERLY ATTACHED GIRLFRIEND" CREATED HER OWN MEME AND POSTED IT CONTINUALLY // TO DRIVE MILLIONS OF VIEWS TO HER OWN YOUTUBE CHANNEL "TRIX CEREAL IS PART OF A GOOD BREAKFAST" // THE GOOD PART IS THE MILK 'LE' // NAY /R/KARMACONSPIRACY DOESN'T HAVE SELF POSTS // BECAUSE THEY DO IT FOR THAT SWEET KARMA A NEW WHEN YOU SEE IT PICTURE // NO COMMENTS TO FIND OUT WHAT IM LOOKING FOR ACTUALLY, I JUST REALLY WANT TO TOP YOU AFTER REDDITING AL DAY AT WORK // MUST WAIT 2 HOURS FOR NEW CONTENT ALL OF MY POSTS ON REDDIT // ARE REPOSTS ALMOST EVERY GIRL // IS FUCKABLE TO ME AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO DOESN'T THINK DR. PEPPER IS EXTREMELY SMOOTH AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO DOESNT REALLY CARE ABOUT KARMA AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO HOLDS THE DOOR OPEN FOR PEOPLE ON CRUTCHES AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO RECOGNIZES THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN UNFORTUNATE OUTCOME AND SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS? AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO PULLS WEEDS? AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO ALREADY FUCKING KNOWS THEIR ANCESTRY AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // WHO DOESN'T HAVE TO ASK THEIR PARENTS WHERE THEY CAME FROM? AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE // THAT ACTUALLY HAS AN AGNOSTIC MOM AND NOT A RETARDED SHELTERING SUBURBAN MOM? AN ATHEIST REPUBLICAN?! // AND THEN I TOLD HER // OF COURSE I'LL WEAR A HELMET AVOIDS EYE CONTACT // GIRL IS WEARING A LOW CUT BLOUSE Assassin's Creed movie to star... // We know! BECAUSE OF MY CARIBBEAN CRUISE BEHIND MY ALL MY OTHER FOOD BEING 5'8" IS THE SAME AS // 4'20" BETTER GIVE HIM DOUBLE GUNS BORN WITH PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY // BLIND BOYFRIEND TELLS ME TO COME OVER DRESSED IN A MAID COSTUME // NOT WHAT I EXPECTED BRACE YOURSELF // THE FACEBOOK WALL POSTS ARE COMING BRACE YOURSELVES // THE BACK TO SCHOOL COMMERCIALS ARE COMING BRACE YOURSELVES // THE FURBIES ARE COMING... BREAKS UP WITH OVERLY ATTACHED GIRLFRIEND // DOESN'T GET MURDERED IN HIS SLEEP BUYS BOX OF CONDOMS // ENDS UP USING THEM AS BALLOONS BUYS PREPAID MINUTES FOR PHONE // THEY EXPIRE CAFE AREA 51 CAKE DAY AND NO IDEAS? // WHY NOT ZOIDBERG CALLS IN SICK TO WORK JUST FOR A DAY OFF // ACTS SICK THE REST OF THE DAY TO LESSEN GUILT CAN FAT PEOPLE // BE TOO LAZY TO GET FOOD? CAN'T DECIDE IF MODERN PHILOSOPHY IS COOL // OR HAVEN'T READ ENOUGH ANCIENT PHILOSOPHERS CAN'T HEAR DRUNK, PASSED OUT BROTHER SNORING IN THE OTHER ROOM // HE MUST BE DEAD. CAPTION 3 GOES HERE CAPTION 3 GOES HERE // I'M SAD TO MISS THE OLYMPICS CAPTION 3 GOES HERE // JUST SET CRUISE CONTROL CAPTION 3 GOES HERE // MY FINGERS ARE TOO BIG CAPTION 3 GOES HERE // THE MILK IS ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE COMPLAINS ABOUT LACK OF NEW MEMES // HATES EVERY NEW MEME CONFESSION BEAR IS A BAD MEME // AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD DELETED COOKIES AND HISTORY // NEED TO TYPE FULL URL'S AGAIN DID YOU SEE THAT // THAT SONG DIDN'T APPLY SUNSCREEN EVENLY // NOW I HAVE A WEIRD TAN DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO TODAY // GOES WITH YOU TO THE DMV DOESN'T JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR COLOR // UNLESS THEY'RE WHITE DOESN'T WANT PERSONAL TRAINING // "SURE, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT." DON'T HAVE A COW // THEY SAID DONATED MILLIONS TO CHILDREN WITH ADDICT PARENTS // DIDN'T BRAG ABOUT IT DOWNLOADS TORRENT // SEEDS DRIVES ICE CREAM TRUCK BY YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING // TURNS OFF THE MUSIC WHEN HE HAS TO PASS IT AGAIN TO GET TO OTHER BUILDINGS DROPS LIGHTER IN SINK WHILE PEEING IN IT // FINISH PEEING, RINSES LIGHTER WITH COLD WATER, DRIES ON BATH TOWEL ERMAHGERD EVERY THING YOU SEE IN THE INTERNET IS 100% TRUE // -ABRAHAM LINCOLN EVERYONE IN CLASS BUT ONE KID HAS THEIR HAND UP // PICKS KID WHO DOESN'T HAVE HAND UP EVERYTIME YOU OPEN INTERNET EXPLORER // GOD KILLS A KITTEN EXCEPT US FACEBOOK // IS THE 9GAG OF 9GAG FAVORITE BANDS FINALLY TOUR TOGETHER // ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD FBI MALWARE PROGRAM EXPIRES // STILL HAVE INTERNET FEES // FEES EVERYWHERE FINALLY FINDS A GIRLFRIEND // NOT A BETTER LOVE STORY THAN TWILIGHT FINDS AMAZING HIDING SPOT // INSTANTLY HAS TO PEE FINDS YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE OPEN // DOSEN'T SAY THAT YOU ARE GAY FINISHES A CONTAINER OF FOOD // PUTS IT BACK IN THE CUPBOARD FIT-SHACED FOR BUGLES FORGETS TO CHECK HIS BLIND SPOT WHILE YOU'RE PASSING HIM AND NEARLY HITS YOU // FLIPS YOU OFF FORGOT TO PUT VODKA IN MY SODA // FRIEND OWES YOU MONEY // FEEL BAD FOR REMINDING HIM OF IT FUCK EVERYTHING MAINSTREAM // IN LOVE WITH KATY PERRY FUCK IT // I'LL FRY IT FUCK IT // I'LL WATCH DORA THE EXPLORER Feels better by comparing himself to poor hungry African his age // Realizes African has more sex than him GAME OF THRONES GAVE FAMOUS GOP SPEECH ON CONSERVATISM // "I THINK IT WAS NIAVE, I THINK I’VE JUST MATURED OVERALL,” GET'S A HOLE IN ONE // OF HIS CONDOMS GETS ADOPTED // BY 2 MANCHU DADS GETS TOLD A JOKE HE ALREADY KNOWS // DOESN'T RUIN THE JOKE GIRL MAKES IT SEEM LIKE SHE LIKES YOU // GIVE A MAN A HAMBURGER, HE'LL EAT FOR A DAY. TEACH A MAN TO HAMBURGER... // I'M HIGH AS FUCK GIVES YOU ITUNES GENIUS IN RETURN FOR SIGNING UP FOR ITUNES STORE // GIVES YOU GREAT IDEAS FOR NEW ALBUMS TO PIRATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR // SHAVE EVERYTHING "JUST IN CASE" GOLDMAN SACHS // SACKS OF GOLD GUY FUMBLES WITH THE QUARTERS AND DROPS HALF OF THEM // I DROVE AWAY Goes Clubbing // GETS CLUBBED HAS TWO CATS // DOESN'T USE THEM TO GET KARMA HASN'T FUCKED YOUR MOTHER // HAVE TO BRAKE HE'S CALLED FLO RIDA // BECAUSE HE'S FROM FLORIDA HIDES UNDER COVERS FROM CLOSET MONSTERS // STILL GETS EATEN HIS WHOLE NAME // IS JUST ONE NAME HOLY SHIT // THE GRIFFIN FAMILY EATS THE SAME THING EVERY NIGHT HOW DO YOU TITILLATE AN OCELOT // OSCILLATE ITS TITS A LOT HOW THE FUCK // DO YOU GET MORE THAN 10 UPVOTES? I ACTUALLY // GET BORED OF REDDIT