Venting

Sigh, I am just tired of feeling how I feel. I dont know if you would call it depressed, but I just get waves of sadness, or atleast a feeling like sadness. More and more often I get urges to cry for no reason, but I am never really able to start the crying, so I cant get the release.

More than anything, I am tired of being lonely. Never had a GF, don't think Ive ever really even been close. Ive hooked up(drunkinly) with only 2 girls, and it was only making out/feeling up. My dick must hate me as I am the only one who has ever touched it. I hate seeing commercials about couples or people getting married, as it reminds me I am alone. It fucking pisses me off.

I am tired of feeling like other people don't care as much as me, because I know they don't since I care more than anyone I know. People will talk and vent to me, and I LOVE to help them. It makes me great. But no one is like that for me(Well, my best friend does, but he is too busy to be there as often as I would like). I just feel like I am one of the only truly decent human beings on the planet, and it sucks.

I hate how when on days that I dont have work, no one ever invites me to go do stuff, besides my friends that I play video games with, but I get bored of that. I feel uncomfortable inviting myself places, so Ill end up just staying home all day alone playing games. Some days its nice, but most days I fucking hate it.

I hate how I am I scared of getting attached to someone, and that fear was only recently reinforced due to allowing myself to feel close to a girl I really liked only to be shot down. Now I feel like the smart thing to do is never get attached ever again so I dont have to deal with the eventual pain. And that thought fucking sucks. All I want to have is someone to love, and have someone to love me, but I dont believe that there is someone out there I can trust enough to allow myself to love them.

God damn it, fuck my brain.