A Dark Secret in a Small Town

R/nosleep directed me here from a post that didn't fit in with the rest, and as I've spent the last couple of hours reading the posts, I figured this belonged here.

Women! If you go out at night, don't let yourself/let others be left alone. Men! Don't let the women you know get stuck somewhere alone at night! If you know a girl friend/sister/etc going out, and she doesn't want you with her, at LEAST make sure you check in with her, and offer to come out/give her a ride, if she feels she needs it.

A couple of years ago (as of June 28th, 2 years, exactly) I was at the movies with some friends. Surrounding this theatre are a lot of nice stores and places to eat. All of it very well lit, except for the back side of the plaza. During the day, it's just a post office and a crap-ton of dumpsters. At night, it is a secluded, dark, creepy place that begs for something bad to happen.

In the are I live, there is a high population of people over 55+, as well as a very high population of people under 18 (families with young children, who have grown up in the area.) The city I live in, and the one this story take place, are the center of everything. The upper-middle class white families take stage here. Nothing to do for the teens besides go to school, walk to Del Taco, and go to the movies. In the cities surrounding, you have the 55+ in country clubs sharing space with the ghetto, gang-banger types. Mix in a few drug addicts, you have a typical Southern California community.

On this particular night, I was with some girl-friends. I was in a new, short, strapless summer dress (this detail will be important.) We did our usual movie, and a few laps around the plaza. The other two are picked up, and I am left to wait alone. I walk around, not feeling any danger, (I've been there a thousand times, alone, and never worried) but tonight proved to change that notion.

As I walk around, I pass a man, who no doubt is a druggy (again, not an unusual sight in the area) but don't give it much thought. As I finish another lap and come near the end of the plaza, where the post-office starts up, I see the druggy standing against the wall. As I get closer, he stands straight to do, what I assumed, was to ask for a light (at the time, I was one of those innocent Christian girls, who didn't do drugs or anything, and was still a virgin.) He puts on hand out as I attempt to avoid him and not have to interact, but he steps in my path, and grabs me by the shoulder. I try to pull away and turn back toward the high concentration of people, until he dug his nails into my arm. I was ready to kick him in the nads and scream, until he showed me his gun.

I am frozen in fear. Unsure of what to do. I tries to make a sound, but nothing came out. He tugged me forward and grabbed me by the back of the neck and started walking me forward again. I walk with him, hoping someone would pass by and notice, but to no avail. We walk about 50 feet around a corner, almost past the post office, until he turns me down an alley. This is the area with all the dumpsters that is almost pitch black, with the exception of a dim glow from the street lights next to the post office. I am horrified and fear this is where I will die. But no. What happens next makes me wish it were.

I see him reach for the gun and pull it all the way out, and aim it at me. Instinct tells me to put my hands up. He tells me to sit down. I comply. He starts to undo his pants. I am still unable to speak. Unsure what to do, he gets on his knees and gestures me to lay down (less of a gesture, more of a pushing the gun I'm to my collar bone.)

I feel one shakey, rough hand reach up my dress, while the other hand holds the gun now aimed at my stomach. I feel him grab my underwear and hastily pull at them. I have my legs closed tight, until he presses the gun harder into my stomach. I put my hands over my face and begin to sob, as I ease my legs enough for him to do what he wanted. I don't look at him for the rest of this encounter, but I feel everything. He moves the gun away, I assume he set it down next to him. I then feel him pry my legs apart... Line up and penetrate me. I didn't know then if he did or did not wear a condom (today I know he did, because I've had other sexual encounters) and was in a great deal of pain. I was a virgin then, and though he didn't "pop my cherry" he still caused me an immense amount of pain.

I know it couldn't have been more than 5 minutes from the point of him grabbing me, until the end. But to me, it was an eternity.

I assume he finished, or freaked out, because I finally felt him pull out, pull up his pants, grab the gun and scuttle off. I lay in shock and tears there until I hear my cell phone ring. It's my dad. He's infront of the theatre waiting for me... I don't remember it, but I had gotten myself up and walked all the way to the car. I didn't say a word to my father, and I feel he assumed I just had a fight with a friend, or was tired. Or just being a teen girl and not talking. But when we got home, I couldn't even get myself to shower. I just went to bed and sobbed into my pillow. I stayed in my room for almost a week. I didn't speak to anyone, or even eat or shower.

To this day, I regret that I didn't tell anyone. But about 3 months ago I saw the man who raped me. He was in the paper. He received a life sentence for the murder of some drug dealer. Part of me was relieved, part of me was angry. Though he could no longer hurt others, he had done enough by hurting me.

8 months after the ordeal, I willingly gave up my virginity to a boy I had been dating. Today, I have long moved past what happened to me, and able to reflect upon it, and not let it define me as a person.

Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far. I will answer questions, if there is clarification needed. And I apologize for any errors in spelling or grammar. I just felt the need to get my story out there.