Tell me, is it wrong to "take advantage" ,in a way, of a person that makes me better? Even if I do care about her?

I'm an addict. It solely depends upon what I find most appealing. I've been addicted to illegal drugs. I've been addicted to legal drugs. I'm shy and particular about women I date. When I find a woman that meets the "standards" I can easily give up any drugs I'm using, but then I become dependent upon her to keep me stable.

I have never told any of these women about this. I only learned about it(came to the realization of it) after the last relationship. I don't date much because of high expectancy of my potential and low self esteem of myself.

I don't know if I could complicate it more if I tried! I want a smart, respectable, and forgiving woman(for my own faults), but I have this "addiction" I feel I have to hide. I'm either addicted to the drugs, or I'm addicted her. When I find a woman I "deem" worthy, I once again find myself lost. How could I ever explain to her that she is my release, as well as my addiction?

The addiction that I can control through consumption is much harder than the addiction that "is her." How the fuck can I make that sound good?