What's the most inappropriate comment you've made while flinging a turd at a baby of a close relative during the opening dance at a wedding?

OK, I'll start. This one time my sister was too late on my brother-in-law's wedding because she had just given birth to a human baby and upon discovering the news I flung a big lump of my own faeces while shouting 'get back into my sister you republican piece of shit' because I had a hunch this little guy would vote for Mitt Romney if he could (I could see it in his eyes) and I also had a turd in my pocket which was a common practical joke at the time. Felt very satisfying. Share your stories, reddit!