I might be selfish when it comes to emotions.

As my title suggests, I feel that my emotions should reign over other people's emotions.

The first instance of this I can remember is a girl I had a crush on since the 4th grade. For anonymity's sake, I'll refer to her as K. I've always liked K as a person, and hoped some day I would have worked up the nerve to ask her out. When I finally did, I found out that K was in a relationship. Later on, I would find out that K was in an extremely abusive relationship (with the same person she was dating when I found out) and I had tried to stop it, originally for her own sake. At that time I was willing to sacrifice my emotions just to verify she was in a safe place. We'll come back to K later.

The next instance that comes to mind is with someone named A. I met up with A the first time at an academic question-answering game similar to Jeopardy! that we had at my town's middle school. We became good friends, had lots in common, and started to hit it off. Mind you, this was 8th grade. I started to develop emotions for A, and was working up some nerve to ask out, and a similar instance to K appeared, she had a boyfriend, J. At the time, I wasn't too horribly good friends with J, and I tried to seize any opportunity I had to end their seemingly unstable relationship at the time (typical teen drama lead to arguments, etc.) and tried to manipulate their feelings for my own good. I now am good friends with both A and J.

I then met with a friend of A's, named G, at a party at A's house. I ended up dating G for a couple of months steadily, then we developed a two-year on-and-off relationship, thus proving into my selfishness because I was still "happy" at the time with us. G and I have not dated for almost two years now, and she is currently engaged with a semi-friend of mine named M. Now, back to K.

After the last break-up with G, I became entirely sullen and have had little to no emotions at all. I had given up on most of my attempts to get back on the dating scene. Then, one day, on Facebook I decided to search for K and see if she was still in the area, as she had moved around a lot since, I just recently found out, her parents entirely disowned her. I found her on Facebook, and started talking with her, only to find out that at the time she was separated from her abusive boyfriend, which was good news for me. I tried to do my thing and attempted to date, but then she decided to get back together with her abusive boyfriend. I was entirely greedy with this, and spiraled even further into my annoyance of the couple. The last I heard of K, she had a child with this man, and is still together with him, living "happily" in a town not too far from here.

I wish to apologize to her for any hard feelings, for I feel the way to feeling better about myself is to apologize to all the people above that I have done wrong to intentionally for my habits. However, I do not have a way to contact K, so I am stuck leaving this to the general consensus. I already am starting to feel better about myself getting this whole life story of emotional selfishness off my chest.

TL;DR Fell for girl K, became selfish jack-wagon when found out she was dating someone. Same for girl A, tried to sabotage relationship. Dated girl G on and off, became emotionally numb. Re-attempted to sabotage girl K's relationship/date her while she was separated from boyfriend, backfired. Feel remorse, want to apologize.