Obstruction

Poem

To know too much and not enough,
Caught between the lines of a page,
I don't belong in your world,
So I sit on the sidelines,

To speak, perchance to scream,
Yet no words can I find,
My mouth hangs open,
Unable to break the silence,

Absent from my inertia,
Hiding from all the ways,
I break myself open,
As the day looms,

She always said;
'Don't play with fire,'
But I didn't realise
She meant the one inside.

  • Tom Craig

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wd7k1d/for_it_was_from_where_i_came_a_frame_all_i_ever/iigwlws?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wd4kjf/keeping_pace/iigywdd?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Aug 1, 2022, 5:33 AM UTC ¡ edited

1112
archimedeshadow•

I couldn't tell if the mouth bit was a reference to "I have no mouth and I must scream" but either way it was incredibly enjoyable. I can't find anything to nitpick or criticize, this is a perfect work

3
Appropriate-Horse-80OP•

I'm pleased you enjoyed it 😊 and it's about not being able to communicate. Thank you so much!

2
AlexDLopez•

I like how you composed the lines They sounds sad . I am no expert in poetry appreciation. But for me sad poems always sounds peaceful. Appreciate you effort keep up ;3

3
Appropriate-Horse-80OP•

Thank you!

2
nFnityNbyond•

Ah, I love this style. Too often people try to find a rhyme to force a flow, but yours didn't need it! Good poem, relatable content. Bravo!

3
Appropriate-Horse-80OP•

Thank you very much, sir!

3
Material_Zombie_1048•

I so get this and appreciate it. I love it. :)

2
Appropriate-Horse-80OP•

Thank you so much!

2
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1
Vaelkyrim•

I’m initially drawn to the repetition of “lines” in the first stanza. Caught between lines, sitting on the sidelines; what does it mean, though?

To me, I think of lines as “systems” or as “expectations.” So if you’re caught between lines, you’re caught between expectations. The rest of the poem, though, seems to be more about getting in your own way. So, perhaps you’re getting in the way of your own expectations for yourself?

1
Appropriate-Horse-80OP•

It's about not belonging to one world or the other, so in a way, you are caught between expectations and systems. Unable to participate or belong. Sitting on the sidelines, unable to play the game. You don't belong to one team or the other. And it ain't exactly a spectator sport.

And think more 'reading between the lines.' for the second verse. You want so much to tell someone the truth, but either it'd shatter their world, or they'd flat out deny it and you'd be the pariah, so that's the way you speak: from between the lines, just hoping that they'll catch on and you won't be alone any more. You want so much to tell them, but as if you could explain or they could understand anyway?

In the end, I'm glad I never said a word. It's a burden I wouldn't want to share with anyone else.

The last 2 you got spot on though, albeit in oversimplified terms. I am the fucking king of self-sabotage lol. Came down to I couldn't bear all the effort, the pain, the heartbreak, simply to fail and have it all be for nothing. I still tried... But it's a serious game out here.

1
aBluPhoenix•

Well, I'm in love with this line:

To speak, perchance to scream

The parallel line from Hamlet has so much longing and also fear in it at the same time. And I feel like there is that same feeling in your poem.

For the first stanza, I wonder if you could replace the word sidelines with the word margins, to keep your theme of the page of a book going?

To know too much and not enough, Caught between the lines of a page, I don't belong in your world, So I sit on the sidelines,

I wonder if you could tie the fire theme at the end back to the writing theme somehow.. but either way I am pretty sure your message came through loud and clear!

I'm getting a sense of absolutely needing to say something, and at the same time being unable to speak. The narrator just wishes so hard that they could be part of the other person's world. Doesn't know how to ask for it. Doesn't know how to let it go. Stuck in between.

I can really relate to the idea of chaos inside and absolute (apparent) calm on the outside.

... And also that feeling of being not quite where you want to be with someone, incapable of asking for more, and incapable of walking away.

Love it!

1