Hi all!

I frequently see questions about age verification (how, why, does it hurt business etc) so I thought I would provide some notes as this sub is rapidly growing. I mainly sell worn items not digital content, so this may contribute to my viewpoint.

I'm stating this at the beginning since it's a long document: If you would like to see my age verification process, please don't send me a DM, but view the pinned post on my profile. Also, read the full post before you ask a question in the comments - there's a ton of info here! I'm sure I'm missing some so don't be afraid to ask more, just make sure it isn't already explained below.

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Why Age Verify?

1. The main reason to age verify is to prevent the sale of any service or item to underage buyers. While it’s unlikely an angry parent will track you down after finding their dear child’s Reddit treasures and call the Feds on you, it’s always a possibility. As the adults in the situation, we have a moral and legal responsibility to be checking.
2. In the USA, tax laws have recently changed to make money sending apps (Venmo, Zelle, CashApp etc) legally obligated to report income above $600 to the IRS even for non-business accounts. This is automatic whether or not you include it on your tax return (which, once again, you are legally obligated to do) so the IRS could potentially look into this income. If they find suspected underage activity during a audit your problems get longer 😳 so do your due diligence!
3. I have had many clients specifically say they are glad I age verify and makes them feel more comfortable with my legitimacy and ethics. It just makes those buyers more comfortable trusting a seller and what they stand for

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Does Age Verification Help with Timewasters and Scammers?

YES! This has been the biggest positive impact on my mental health besides the legal legitimacy. Scammers and Timewasters won’t give you an ID photo so, making ID verification required and asking for it serves as an excellent indicator of a serious buyer. If you get ID verification, you likely don’t have a TWer. If they ghost you after for an extended period (more than 24 hours no contact) without valid explanation, they never meant to buy. In the case of suspected TWer's I have asked for verification earlier than I normally would in a transaction and have gotten my answer without wasting too much more of my time and mental energy. If you misread the situation and then send the ID, no harm no foul since they would have had to do it anyway.

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How Do You Age Verify?

Every seller has their own procedure for age verification but the Fetish Buyers Community's optional buyer verification was the main model for my own. There are a couple things you should include at minimum:

1. A legal ID. Not a student, employee, or gym since these are not specific to being 18+. Passports, driver's license, or state ID's are the most common. Check that the ID is still valid.
2. A way to prove the client has physical possession of the ID currently. Some folks will just google an ID from the internet, or maybe even have taken a photo of their parent's a while ago. The easiest way to do that is by having them place the ID on a piece of paper with your (the seller's) username. I ask for both our usernames and the date. Alternatively, they can hold up a specified number of fingers in the frame of the photo - just make sure you don't use the same number every time. I've asked for "live long and prosper" Spock hands before or "hang ten"

Both the ID and the proof of possession should be in the same photo because, like I said, ID photos are found all over the internet. The buyer can censor all other identifying information that is not required to prove their age but you set the parameters.

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Miscellaneous Tips:

1. Provide your own age verification. If your clients need an example, using your ID is the best opportunity to prove your age and build good faith with your clients. Post it along with your age verification requirements to guide them through the process, show them exactly what you need from them, and then you only need to do it once.
2. Age verify for all services - even those you don't think are explicit. We specialize in selling fetish items, the whole idea is that not all folks see these things as sexual. Regardless, the client is receiving a sexual experience.
3. Post that you age verify in many places. This will save everyone time by making your expectations clear up front. It also makes it easier to report those who fail to age verify because... they really shouldn't have missed it. Bio, pinned profile post, every menu document you have etc.
4. Require age verification for every username - not client. Some clients open and close accounts with each transaction. While this may make them feel more discrete, it makes it harder to prove that it's the same client you've verified before. Someone may be able to see a review from a previous client and claim they are them. Not going to lie, this is where I have gotten the most pushback. I tell clients in this situation, if they have access to their old username send me a message on the chat where we previously had a sale and make them state "my new username is xxx", they can also do this with a kik account or email. Do not ask "are you xxx?" because they can just agree without proving they know the original username.
5. Set a time limit. This is another way to catch timewasters because most adults walking about their lives are never far from their ID. Even if the client doesn't drive, states and countries have passports or state IDs for general purposes. That being said, I have plenty of folks who contact me over lunch and want to wait until they get home from work to confirm things with their ID. You can send a reminder message or "should I be expecting age verification?" to keep the communication going. My maximum time limit ranges from 12-24 hours - be courteous and understanding but you'll also be able to pick up on the "vibes" based on your conversation up to that point. If someone is already giving you suspicions of a timewaster use your best judgement on how soon you'll require to continue things.
6. Report those who refuse verification or ghost you after a long time wait with reminders. Not every seller likes to report but, sites have anonymous reporting features if you prefer discretion. Reporting reduces the chance of another seller encountering an underage buyer or TWer and makes it clear to those who contact you that this is a boundary to be respected. As stated above, those who refuse verification are often, but not always, TWer's anyway and this is just one of the more concrete ways to "prove" it. You are well within your right to keep things legally above board so don't let anyone gaslight you for it. Further, as we have seen more sellers require verification, it is becoming more normalized in the fetish community and both buyers and sellers more used to the process and expectations.
7. Include these expectations clear in your FAQ/disclaimers. If you follow rules such as 4, 5, 6 above, write that out so nobody is surprised if you report or get agitated.

I know this is a lot of info and I'm sure I'm missing things. Experienced sellers: feel free to add your tips and insights below in the comments! Everyone, feel free to answer questions I don't get to. Stay safe out there folks ❤️

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Ren