>Makes me even see an opportunity for how the overarching plotline could be woven in starting here.

I think this is the big thing. You had some really neat stuff writing-wise, but it needs more of the "big picture." Sounds like you've got it all figured out though, so I wish you luck! If you post it again sometime, I'll stop in.

esoteric abstract". To a large extent this was intentional, but it's great to know that the prose don't stand on their own and need some more substance behind them. Makes me even see an opportunity for how the overarching plotline could be woven in starting here.

And thanks also for your take on the prose both good and (especially) the bad. I'll work on getting the opening a bit crisper, and just generally see about tightening the whole thing up.

\>> CONTINUED (2/2)

**Section IV: The Plot**
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I think here we have the real “problem” with the story. Your setting, as above, is *almost* there and makes cameo appearances, but the plot… does not. I’ll save your time and not repeat the same sorts of issues I had with the setting verbatim, but suffice to say: I have the same issues. There’s just not a lot offered here. My understanding: Theresa is alone on a hilltop compound, the world is dying, she does not like that. Well, great. Where’s the plot? She has approximately zero world agency. She doesn’t even order the “low-lands” to stop with her broadcast, she just makes a kind of petty, “Well, it better be worth it!” remark. Of course, we don’t know enough to understand if this is just her puffing out steam when she knows she can’t do anything or a *genuine communication* with someone (or somemany) people below, but in either case, it doesn’t really have forward plot potential. 

If I picked this book up and read through 

Introduction
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Hi there! 

Sorry if this crit gets a little long, but I have some stuff to say for sure. I’m not a *huge* sci-fi reader, but I have read some of the biggest titles (*Dune, Ender’s Game,* etc.) and so I’ll do my best. Frankly, though, a lot of my crits are not about the genre, and more about some storytelling fundamentals that I think might need to be addressed for your writing to shine. 

Let me know if any issues come up! Oh, and in advance: pardon any typos, unless they make something unclear.

**Section I: Quick Impressions**
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So, first. I actually struggled to neatly organize my opinions on this piece. On the one hand, there are some very nice lines and some attractive ideas. On the other, nothing happens. Not really. It’s 2200 words of minimal “forward” motion, a sort of “day in the life” slice of one character who doesn’t really approach a resolution to her long-term conflict and doesn’t end with a lot of impetus, either. I understand it

You also seem to have a habit of writing things like "She switched on the light, illuminating the room." Would you say this to anyone in real life instead of "I switched on the light"?

More fatally, you say that the protagonist has gone to the mountains to be alone? And then you reveal that the world below is a disaster area anyone would want to get away from just to survive...

Your writing is just a little passive and padded...

>It was still dark when Theresa was awoken by the chiming of the alarm from down the hall. Through the thick wall of her room its sound was attenuated to something small and far away, but two years in the California Republican Army had taught her to sleep light. She listened to the pattern and quickly ascertained it was nothing serious. No fires or intruders. The heat exchangers, air filters and freezers were all operational. It was just that the live video feed was down.

Instead maybe something like

**It was still dark when the alarm sounded. It wasn't the siren scream that would have signalled a fire or a critical systems failure, but two years in the Californian Army had made x a light sleeper. She rolled out of bed and decoded the pattern of buzzes: the video link had failed.**

..More active voice, less unnecessary detail, no unnecessarily slow latinate words like ascertained and attenuated - an opening hook isn't the place fo

Hey, this is the prologue to a project I'm working on. It's a series of loosely tied together vignettes, so this mostly serves as an introduction to the world and the general ambiance of things. Let me know how it succeeds and - this being rDR - fails in that goal.

[Sunrise](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Wj09DH6VY7a9vb5sZlfIuJYwnk8dpnEgTXbMUhwljnI/edit?usp=sharing)

Critique:
[Crimson Queen](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wc4ndy/2551_crimson_queen_ch2_v2/)

[2236] Burnline Prologue (Sunrise)