A tainted soul

The style is quite strong with consistently short, staccato statements creating a rhythmic tone. Repetitive use of 'a tainted soul', probably referring to that of the speaker who has lost a love. The language is quite grandiose with metaphorical imperatives: 'may the inferno come upon us', which indicates to me the distraught emotional state of the speaker. Some questions to ask yourself...who is this addressed to? If it is addressed to the lost lover, what are you trying to make them feel, or what is the motivation behind addressing this to them? Cheers.

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[deleted]

Hey OP,

I really love the repetition used here! It’s effective as it’s not just rhythmically interesting but also you manage to adjust the context of “a tainted soul” with each stanza!

In terms of feedback I think the biggest thing to work on in this poem is reducing abstractions. You have some amazing images in here like “a dying rose on a table, a scarlet heart / not but a smile / a child”. But others are simply statements of abstract feelings, such as “ there is only sorrow / gone with the wind”. Here instead of the reader feeling it they simply understand the feeling which creates a distance and lessons the impact of the piece.

Consider instead a way to convey sorrow instead of telling us. Maybe show us something else torn and flying past in the wind, the speaker tossing something away, just some ideas.

I think this has a lot of potential and your sense of meter and rhythm are great wand make the poem really flow :) Hope some of the feedback helped, keep writing!