Yellow Moon

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This is great (unintentional cheese pun). It’s funny and has a great rhythm to it. There’s a clear build with a turn, giving it a solid structure. It functions well as a narrative and a poem.

My one critique would be with punctuation. If it were me, I would experiment with putting in fullstops and any other missing punctuation to give the sentences clearer delineations. Also have you thought about using italics over speech marks? This is all down to personal preference, but I like using italics for speech. It might not look right here though as it’s dialogue.

Overall, loved it.