Source
r/OCPoetry•
mabao_empire

Attire of desire

Poem

Fibers woven goth and black

Golden chains sloven and slack

Malevolent flora sewn over flesh

Knit loose and taught in arachnid mesh

Curling black tendrils on visage part hidden

Paired opposed with charcoaled foot mittens

A novel likeness sent with intent

seeking improvement on final extent

Alas, it creates a sensation anew

Of something once felt with emotions askew

The space between stars that color the dress

Accenting all that it aims to compress

Creates a desire that begets what is distant

Be near one another; then lock in an instant

Link 1

Link 2

Posted Aug 12, 2022, 10:41 AM UTC

55
corder98•

The title and the whole concept on the poem are both brilliant. The rhythm and rhyme work wonderfully and the end of each line is powerful in the best of ways. It is just the right length, with every word fitting the poem well. The starting couplet I think is particularly good, well done keep up the good work.

2
mabao_empireOP•

Very kind, I shall continue my efforts!

2
moonlit_Ichor12•

I adore the contrast of talking about this attire in an earthy sense for the first half, while viewing it in its ethereal glory for the latter half.

I also appreciate the (maybe) reference to Arachne, whose weaving skill rivaled that of the Greek goddess Athena -- who unfortunately turned her into a spider for her pride.

"knight loose and taught in arachnid mesh" WHAT A LINE.

Somehow even better than that, you managed to paint the color black in a way that I have never witnessed it be done by saying "the space between stars that color the dress". And I have 109 books on my shelves.

And the irony of the body being trapped in that dress but then having so much passion that it's comparable to astronomical distances is smart. The mentioned desire made me compare it to the flames of the stars themselves, while reminding me that the dress (in its simple blackness) is of equal wonder. Took me on a cosmic and existential mini-roadtrip.

2
mabao_empireOP•

Absolutely taken back. Thank you very much, I couldn’t have guessed it would have that effect, but quite pleased that it did!

1
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1