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In my opinion, the last line is what really makes this poem go from good to great. I really appreciated the tying of emotional emptiness with the physical emptiness of losing your blood. What you’re going through sounds really rough, I hope you’re in a better situation now.

Hey, thanks for sharing your great poem. I really liked the second stanza and how it tied to what you were preparing in the first. A typical piece of advice when writing prose (so I guess you can take it with a pitch of salt since you're writing for poetry), is to avoid adverbs, those words which end in -ly. For example slowly. I think you could experiment attempting to describe the action of putting the door down another way which might feel more creative. If you want to keep things short and sweet then ignore my suggestions. Otherwise I loved it! Thanks again!

“My heart pounds, dreading our demise” really fucking rings with some stuff I got going on in life at the moment. Fucking sucks and I’m honestly feeling pretty lost about it. Good job getting the feels and introspection going, OP!

I really like the imagery you show here. Line my line you can feel the emotions build.

This is a good poem, the laser line would probably read better with “ laser pinpoint “ than just laser alone

Bree Orlock

The Floor of Shattered Glass