something bit me.
and that something was grief.
it punctured my organs,
with its white, dagger-teeth.
it sliced through with ease,
and it began to start
tearing a shadow
engulfing my heart.
night after night, i wished i could die.
to fly away, to forget.
for grief has attacked me; left me empty,
my body rotted, and my eyes wet.
Posted Aug 14, 2022, 4:23 PM UTC
i usually don’t find that i resonate with poetry that has a simple rhyme scheme, especially if it’s paired with an unhappy theme. i like that grief is characterized as something with teeth, but the description is left fairly simple besides that detail. i think the choice to leave it vague really speaks to how grief can affect everyone differently and takes many different forms. thanks for sharing this poem!
thank you for your feedback! this is probably the only poem i've written with a simple rhyming scheme as i wanted to try something a bit different, but thank you!
i have no words. excellent.
wowza i be reading!
I like this kind of poems. It reminds me of Saffo's style even though the comparison is a little bit forced. The beginning is strong, but there is a gap between the 2 verses. I mean the last verse goes very fast to the end. However I really liked the images from the first verse.
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I really liked the engulfing my heart line. I understood that feeling when I read it. Pain always brings forth the best art.