Try reading ABC. It starts with a crisis for the people in the story. But it's not a crisis that would make no sense in our society. So ending the crisis allows the author to explain how the world has changed.

Some of the world building is creepily prescient, even if the story is humorous. A lot of it is about the dangers of democracy, especially media driven war frenzies. And more is about a plague started by livestock - a chicken - and supply chain failures. Very interesting for a story written before WW1.

Thanks again, this is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for.  I'll read up and try to interweave the exposition with the storyline way more!

Another great story you can read online is Fritz Leiber's The Big Time. Terrific world building again and perfectly merged with the story.

Faro and Gaia! I will admit that I half expected Elisabet Sobek to hop into this chapter too.

Thank you! I've gotta admit, that was my main concern writing this, so glad to hear it from someone else. I'll read the blogpost and give it another go for sure, trying to make something interesting happen.

It's clear and literate. But nothing happens. Nothing at all. It's pure infodump - and not even interesting information.

Read

http://tofspot.blogspot.com/2015/07/infodumps-for-fun-and-profit.html

And you find Kim and Kipling's two sf stories Nightmail and Easy As ABC online. The second especially was the key moment in the development of modern sf and slips very complex world building gracefully into the story.

Also, as an ex pro, I've never met anyone who drank alcohol while coding. Not even the alcoholic I shared a house with who we used to find collapsed on the staircase on weekends.

Thank you so much for the honest comment. This is pretty much in line with the other comments, so I'll keep iterating on this. I was a first attempt at any kind of writing after all, so I expected it to be terrible to some extent! Thanks for the honest feedback and encouragement

**Character**

  
I'll be completely honest here. I forgot the main character's name and gender by the end of the story. Including her name in the beginning isn't a bad idea, but make it more clear that it's her actual name instead of some random noise. 

  
I did remember Faro's name, but that's probably the only memorable thing about your characters in this story. The whole thing reads like a journal entry, a running stream of information with no real rhyme or reason. There is nothing distinctive about your characters, which means there's nothing for your reader to attach to. 

  
Fun fact: stories aren't really about the plot but about how the main character reacts to and changes because of the plot. Readers read to understand what it might be like to go through something similar to the MC. Creating a compelling main character that readers can relate to is essential for writing a good story. Unfortunately, you don't have that right now. 

  
I can see you've created a lot of backsto

Hi there! Thanks for submitting this. I'm usually a fantasy reader but I'm going to give this a shot. 

**General Remarks** 

Unfortunately, this story is really boring so far. It reads like a journal entry mixed with all the backstory you've created for this world. It's good to have backstory, but you're bogging down your prose by presenting all of it right off the bat. When you're new to writing, getting every piece of information to your reader seems imperative, but this is a fallacy. Trust me when I say all of this can be fixed with some work and practice, practice, practice. 

**Mechanics**

The title seems to fit, if not a little obvious. This story is clearly about a city called Gaia. It doesn't tell me much about the genre or tone of the story, but that doesn't make it a bad title. I would consider how many other stories have that title if you are planning to publish though. 

Your hook is where you've lost me. I didn't really see a hook, but if there was one, it would be  is t

# WRITING (MICRO) ANALYSIS

Spoiler: there’s a lot of opportunities to address here.

## VAGUENESS / HEDGE WORDS

Your opening paragraph highlights two major issues you have in your writing at this point in time. To summarize: 

Hedge / passive / wishy-washy words:

> …kind of… | …strives to… 

And vagueness:

> …an incredible place… | …everything one could ~~open~~ ask for… | a full, happy life.

Hedge words are ones that weaken the impact of your words. They should be used sparingly, and only in situations where to remove it would muddy the meaning of the passage.

Let’s take the first line of your piece as an example:

>Gaia’s kind of an incredible place, when you think about it.

If you were to remove ‘kind of’ from this passage, would it muddy its meaning? I don’t think so.

Next line:

>The city strives to provide everything one could ~~open~~ ask for, so that everyone can live a full, happy life.

“The city provides everything one could ask for…” - Much more direct and impactful

## SETTING: VAGUE AND DISTANT

We have a few settings presented here, but all of them lack character and feel distant. Starting with the university room where Bia and Faro are working on their project:

>The hackathon took place on the last floor of the University, in this area where there was a central open space with super high ceilings, walled by floor-to-ceiling glass panels. It was really a superb place to work. Each team had their own space that was roomy enough so that everyone had their own desk space.  

The language used here is very vague, especially phrases like “...in this area where there was a central open space…” You’ve given a basic outline of the space, so now add some depth to it and some interesting characteristics to bring it to life. Here’s a thrown together example to show you what I mean: 

“The hackathon was held in a glass dome of a room, where the sun flittered through the leafy fingers of surrounding oaks. One could hurl a tennis ball from one edge and not r

Hi there, thanks for sharing. 

You mentioned that you haven’t really written in the past, so I take it this is your first crack at it. This piece definitely displayed that, but we all have to start somewhere, right? Like other worthwhile things in life, it takes time and effort to develop this skill, and something to keep in mind is that the merit of any single piece you submit does not define the future limits of your ability to write. 

Take Kyle Lowry, for example. No single jump shot of his defines him. It’s the collective effort of thousands of hours of jump shots and training and dedication that made him what he is today. Same goes for writing. You have to take a lot of crappy shots before they start landing, and there’s always room to improve further, for all of us. That said, let’s get into it.

# OPENING THOUGHTS

This piece failed utterly to spark any interest. The characters are made of cardboard, the plot is non-existent, there’s no tension or conflict, and the settings an

**General Remarks**  
  
I was a bit bored. You didn’t give me reason to care about the protagonist and there was no forward motion. The setting is definitely interesting, though, and I think there’s potential to make this into an interesting story.  
  
**Themes**  
  
"What if you can have too much paradise?"

That question is essentially asked by the protagonist at the beginning, and it’s a fine theme, but it’s not SHOWN throughout any of this story snippet aside from that explicit question in the first paragraph. The protagonist explains a whole lot, but none of it ends up factoring back into this “too much of a good thing” theme.  
  
**Pacing**  
  
There’s so much exposition that the story slows to a painful crawl. What actually happens? Protagonist goes from the school to the bar and then goes to bed. In the meantime we learn a whole lot about the world but aren’t given reason to care. I should be racing down the paragraphs to find out what happens, but there's no pro

My critique notes as I read through: 

I enjoyed the John Adams quote at the start.  I expect it will lead in to the story.  A nice touch. 

Nice solid intro, we have a basis for where we are, and an idea of what to expect. 

I find myself distracted by the formatting.  My mind can't help but add extra long pauses between the words as they stretch away from each other to reach the right side of the page.  That's just my preference, anyway.  

I'm trying to understand the context and definition of hackathon as it pertains to the story.  My immediate assumptions seem incorrect, so I am having trouble picturing exactly what is going on.  Perhaps a more in depth explanation up front would help here. 

"try and" (get artsy/compose) seems a bit unnecessary here, especially twice in two parts of the same sentence.  

I feel like I understand the meaning behind hackathon now for the context of this story, and probably outside the story as well, but it was unfamiliar to me.  I would suggest des

Hey,

Just found this subreddit, and I love the concept!I've never really written in the past, so this is a first attempt for Destructive Reading! It would be the first chapter of a larger story.

I don't have a particular ask, just feedback for a beginner and how I could make the thing more readable.

\[2852\] [Gaia](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14WPUfdX_sRPCu3WJ1kzyShu0gqoq9YTYVScFEeslCFg/edit#)

Critiques: [\[5238\] The Spout](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/woaruo/5238_the_spout/), [\[1775\] Starved Vines, part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wl97c3/1775_starved_vines_part_3/)

[2852] Gaia