
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

This is sad and painful and conveys the feeling of loss of self and depression and the sense of being relegated to an unrecoverable state.  Very affecting!

That was hard. Maybe some of the verses should be equalized to ease the reading.

If you do suffer like that, may I ask you: do you have a therapist?

Hey, yes this is indeed better than the earlier piece we discussed.  This is better because I see a lot of potential and raw material for a beautiful and vivid poem.  Let's pick up a few lines which have that promise -   


It’s already swallowed me whole.  

I suffocate as I’m choked by the thick black bitter ooze of its throat.  

Slowly sucked into its ravenous belly.  

Wheezing but never regaining breath. Dazed but never losing consciousness.  

Completely devoured. Death’s darkness is no dimmer than this.  

Inward, my soul wails of pain. Consciousness is the real enemy.  


So these lines are still 'telling' here, but the idea is what you can make of this and how you can employ a strong metaphor. Clearly, you are indicating here that Despair is some monstrous animal that is eating you up. That is your metaphor here and you weave your imagery around that and that will make it unique. So, what is this monster? A Lion? A Snake? Decide on a concrete metaphor for despair and start lo

Deep Dark Depths of Despair