The Cruelty of Love

I exhale deeply as if trying to breathe you out of my mind

You became beautifully essential to my life

I believed I couldn’t live without you

I don’t know how I’m continuing to live without you

​

My every thought is of you

What we had was so unspeakable—

it is… unspeakable 

I don’t know your name

I don’t know your face

I try to speak of you… it leaves—a bitter taste

in my mouth

I wail inwardly, silently, biting my tongue,

piercing it with my teeth

Trying to overshadow the pain,

of being unable to utter your name 

My voice stuck, constricted,

as if my throat were a snake

gulping down the words I could use to describe who you were to me

and the love we made

​

I try to speak of you…and I can’t

​

You left a hard throbbing lump in my anguished chest

Suffocating me, squeezing out the last bit of life within me

Who will I be?

Without you

The butterflies in my belly swarm together,

sending flutters throughout my body of dread, 

of longing, 

of a heart broken

​

Where are you, my love?

I didn’t know that fateful day would be the last day I spoke to you

The first day of the rest of my life being without you 

Can I go back there? 

Run into your arms instead of leaving you waiting around for me?

Don’t think I didn’t care

I’d have confessed my sweet profound forbidden love for you

I know you adored me

​

Oh, in another time, my love

We would be together

But this time, you were too early, and I was too late

If only this world were ideal, if only love weren’t cruel, if only life were perfect

Perhaps then an alternative fate

​

We would be together

​

I exhale and this time my breath isn’t any steadier

The pain all the deeper

I don’t know how I’ll live without you

I can’t believe I have to live without you

My love for you is sweet

Our destiny was bitter

I miss you

My love wounds won’t heal

I’ll be scarred, but reminded of you forever

In another time, my love

We would be together

​

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(Feel free to give me feedback on how to make this poem better, your thoughts on my structure or my language in general, etc. I like it the way it is but I want to workshop it because it’s about someone very very dear to my heart so I want this poem about him to be as perfect as possible. Thank you! :) )