During my first 3sum in my early 20s I wasn't able to participate because of performance anxiety. My gf and I are looking to start soft swapping before actually swapping and fully swinging but I'm afraid of having performance anxiety again. I know I can overcome it with alcohol but we want to be sober during all our plays.
How did you go about it?
Posted Aug 18, 2022, 1:20 PM UTC
Happens to most guys. Some opt for low dosage of Viagra or Calis. Even with that they still get overexcited and loose it. As a female what I found is trying to get it back up by intense oral or constant hand rubbing will only make matters worse.
Cuddle, talk, joke(not cock related), laugh, keep hands off of the cock for a while, then slowly gently start touching or stroking it and voila, the guy does not even realize that he is rock hard and ready for battle.
This is great advice. Our first experience the other guy couldnt get hard. The ladies both tried so hard to help and it only seemed to make it worse. It wasn't until I was having sex with his wife that he got hard on his own.
This is exactly it. When I can't get it up, I need a "reset". Something to take my mind off things, and then get back in to the mood again. Tugging on it and cursing at yourself will never work.
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Every guy we play with has suffered even if only temporarily. It's how you and your partner react to it. The death spiral is real and no fun. But it's also very hard to tell you don't think about it don't worry about it. So if it happens redirect, switch to something else. Kiss. Eat pussy. Come back to your dick later.
Performance anxiety is something every guy goes through at some point in their swinger lives. It’s all in your head, and the nature of most swinging encounters give you much to figure out, so anxiety can creep in.
I haven’t had any ever, only whiskey/coke dick. And that only once in the lifestyle context 😅
My recommendation is to not take it so seriously. Make a joke out of it when it happens. Disengage from the play area for a minute, take deep breaths, splash some water in your face, have some chocolate, whatever. Approach again with a fresh mind.
The second this shit gets into your head, your dick might get limp. So acceptance and humor is the way to go, I think.
Every swinging podcast / website dedicates content to this issue, so check those out for more/deeper discussion on the topic!
Have fun, it’s just sex ❤️
You can’t overcome it with alcohol. I had never had an issue with that in my life until our first couple of swaps. I was totally taken back when it happened. Embarrassed even. But I kept at it and it was fine.
There is so much to take in at one time in the beginning. Your girl over there giving head. A new chick giving you head. It’s a lot at first. But, the more you put yourself in that environment, the more it becomes “normal”
It's funny, I never had any problems until the first couple of times I went to the club. For one, it was about 90 degrees in there. Secondly, I could not shut off my internal narrative to save my life from the beginning of the swap. I was like, "is this going to be okay with her if I do this? Is this okay? Does she like it?"
By the end of the third group experience we had, I just acknowledged that during the swap, my dick is happy to show up for about 60% of it and then he's ready to pack it in. Although it was nice to have the comradery of the other gentleman that also admit it happens to them all the time too, and I think if you're someone who has the experience, its beholden to you to let other newbies know this is something that's fairly common.
You never think when you visualize of a situation where a bunch of hot naked girls are making out in front of you that the entire group of horny guys wanting to get it on with them would be standing around trying to coerce their wangs into compliance...but in some ways maybe that lets you know that it's time to have a shower and grab some water.
Honey, ALL men have performance anxiety the first few times they have group sex. It is totally normal.
All is certainly not accurate if you are referring to not being able to get hard. I stayed hard longer than I ever have the first time. I think penis' have a fight or flight mentality.
Yeah. Definitely not all. I’ve never had a guy not get hard for me.
My seduction game is en pointe tho.
I would say, without a doubt, yes. Not too hard to overcome usually. May need a bit of “attention” from your partner or both.
Yep. I did, a bit embarrassing for me, but it is what it is. I did two things. One get a scrip for ED med. They work. A side effect is congestion so I also take a decongestant. The other is to get your hormone levels checked. If they are in the mid to low range the doc will prescribe Test. That helps with drive and erection size with me.
Yep. I did, a bit embarrassing for me, but it is what it is. I did two things. One get a scrip for ED med. They work. A side effect is congestion so I also take a decongestant. The other is to get your hormone levels checked. If they are in the mid to low range the doc will prescribe Test. That helps with drive and erection size with me.
More times than I'm comfortable admitting. Including my first time ever swinging! Made up for it the next time around, though.
I’ve encountered it more than I’d like to say !! Every scenario is different 🤷♀️
I certainly have. Viagra doesn't always help. Recently I've switched to using a cock ring which almost always works, with the added bonus that it works faster than viagra AND my cock gets much harder and bigger (not permanently of course, just super swolen).
Umm no you can't, too much alcohol we land you right back in the same place...source: me.
Experience usually does the trick, the more we swing the less anxiety I have, but I still use the cock ring for its other benefits.