Source
r/relationship_advice•
19082016

I (22M) don’t fully trust my girlfriend (19F) should I dump her?

My girlfriend was the one who kept pushing for the relationship, I like to take it slow to actually know the person more but she moved pretty fast and I saw some potential in her so said we can test it out but I really didn’t want to hurt her.

My trust in her was never too high, that is built w time but I found after 2 months of dating that early on she misled me about her body count so that it was smaller than mine so I didn’t get upset. I normally don’t ask about body count but she was the one who asked so I answered truthfully and she lied about hers.

Pretty pissed about her lying, she lied in order to push/manipulate me towards a relationship. I could give less af about her bodycount it’s that our relationship was started on a lie, and I could tell something was off so I’d ask her every couple days if she ever lied to me and up until now every time she said no and acted sincere that she never lied. After an argument last night about small things she lies about, I got her to confess this morning that she said it was lower to not lose me, I asked for her tinder and snap passwords cause all trust was gone and found that she messaged a dude on tinder after we became exclusive and also cheated on her first boyfriend (the dude before me). I asked to see if she ever told that first boyfriend that she cheated, and she said she doesn’t think she did (so a no).

I lost almost all my trust in my girlfriend, anyone see any reason to keep her around? She does anything I say (anything) and I can sort of give her a pass for the lying cause I do too, but the cheating part surprised the Fuck out of me and I don’t fuck w that at all. Gut says to dump her but the heart says otherwise. I’m thinking dump y’all got any insight?

Posted Aug 18, 2022, 9:44 PM UTC

024
WildlyUninteresting•

You don’t trust her.

What’s the point of dating her?

You are also distracting yourself from the fun of dating someone that gets you and is compatible.

4
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1
Lena123768•

I’m gonna be honest I’ve lied to an ex about body count before too, my current boyfriend has never asked. As women we are constantly judge for that kinda thing, a lot of women do lie about it. But her messaging guys after you guys have become exclusive is cheating and definitely not okay. She also has a history of cheating, this may cause you to worry and stress to much about her possibly cheating on you again. I’d break it off…

1
Extreme-Performer-30•

Why do women like yourself lie about your body counts? What makes it okay to begin with?

3
Lena123768•

Because especially as a young women men judge you right away for it.

0
BlindMaestro•

If a guy doesn’t want to date you because of your high body count, find a guy who doesn’t *care.

2
Lena123768•

Yes I learned that now, that was in reference to an ex when I was 18

1
Extreme-Performer-30•

But Lena, who are you to strip men of the right to know who you are? How do you even know who you are when you lie to your own self of something soo significant to soo many- which is what is done when we lie to others.

How does lying like all these other women who lie to potential boyfriends of how many other men they’ve been with make you special at all?

Your past is what makes you. To deny the past means that you deny yourself. If you have to deny yourself to be with someone- then are you really fitting for them to be with- if you can’t even show who you truly are to them? Especially if you claim to love that man?

I do not ask you these for myself. I ask you these things for you. I know the right answers. So do you. Pray tell, how does sand make such a good foundation?

I assume either something happened or you felt guilt for lying and caused you/him to end your relationship.

I hope he’s moved on to someone that’s better fitting of him, even if it hurts to think, better deserving.

I hope you have learned your lesson- the right one. It‘s murky for me figuring that though. I fear that you might tell yourself another one.

Yes this is judgement. I don’t know where Christians got the idea to not judge, when the full context is on not being guilty of the same thing you’re judging someone else on.

The main issue at hand isn’t lying to someone you’re only seeing once. But rather, denying someone you claim to have wanted to eventually get married to, unless this was dating for fun which is wrong because he cared about your past and your answer was one that was intended to twist his perspective of you, the right to know who you are- not who you want to pretend to be...

I hope this doesn’t fall on blind eyes.

You answered me honestly.

I implore you to keep actions that you don’t want the consequences for to the minimum they are at currently from now on

1
Lena123768•

How is body count an indication of who someone is? Why is that something of significance? My boyfriend now is almost 30 I could care less about how many women he has been with. But no that is not why my past relationship ended lol, that was years after being together we broke up and he eventually found out and didn’t care, plus I was like 18 lol. I learned now that I wouldn’t want to be with a partner who cares to begin with. If my boyfriend now lied about something so insignificant I would not care in the slightest. You only act like this is some huge lie that impacts your view on someone because of insecurities. Past partners don’t matter in my opinion. To say who a women is as a person is based off her body count is weird and sexist.

1
jr7287•

Yes. Very simple, if you don’t trust then don’t date.

1
curly_lox•

So you wouldn't have gotten into a relationship if her body count was higher?

While I agree that it was a stupid thing to lie about doesn't mean your relationship was built on a lie, unless you answered yes to my question above, then you've got much bigger problems.

Anyway, if you don't trust her, break up with her.

0