Source
r/OCPoetry•
Crossroadsfare

Drowned

Poem

One hundred to a minute, if you can keep the beat to staying alive.

There is so much I’d rather not say and more I have no room to think.

I know you are dead. Nothing living could produce the substance flowing from your nose.

I am no doctor though and your husband must be watching from above, awaiting those paid and trained for this kind of thing.

Please live.

I am sorry, eleven hundred compressions weigh heavy, I am sorry, to have broken your bones.

I couldn’t have know how long you were under, I tried to hope that God might take pity on you, but now I know in my fevered prayers I was selfish.

I wanted him to take pity on me

Of course in the end we were alone together, already separated by the veil.

(RIP V.W)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wsku9d/o_river_of_folly_a_poem_about_my_struggle_with/ikzhafe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wskldb/tardigrades/ikzhsqj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Aug 19, 2022, 9:10 PM UTC

29
An-Amateur-Poet•

You can tell this poem has emotion and is real to the author.

A lot of those who have gone through a situation like this knows the feeling of “survivors guilt.” It’s brought to reality in a very raw manner here. “I now know in my fevered prayers I was selfish. I wanted him to take pity on me” That part really got me. You can feel and almost imagine the moment, I felt like I was there watching and experienced a part of that helplessness that is conveyed throughout the poem. A beautiful tribute and a beautiful work.

2
CrossroadsfareOP•

Thank you, it was one of the worst days of my life and it took a lot of time to get over. Trying to convey that feeling of isolation has been one of my driving inspirations in writing. I appreciate you taking time to read my work

2
parabolicpickle•

This sent a shiver through me. What a tragic and powerful poem. I am sorry this happened to you, and I admire the courage it took to channel your pain into this.

2
CrossroadsfareOP•

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to say so. A psychiatrist once told me the human mind will go through great lengths to avoid the feeling of helplessness and guilt becomes a focal point. It took a lot of time and work but I’m trying now to use the experience to relate with other’s who might feel they are responsible and deserve to feel alone. They don’t, and I hope this piece helps them not feel so unnatural about being broken

2
GShellBandit•

this is raw, the pain you transferred to this piece is felt , reading this was shocking in a very good way, you can tell this is you pouring yourself onto a canvas, keep going and i hope your outlet brings you peace

2
CrossroadsfareOP•

Thank you for reading and taking time to offer me your insight. I highly recommend anyone write and share the pieces of themselves they find hard to love, especially because people like you are there to offer encouragement. Thank you again

2
hannathebaker•

Oh my goodness. This is very brutal. Several of the aspects are actually things I have hoped I never have to deal with. I’ve done CPR training before, and this thing of the bones breaking is horrifying to me. It is very stark, the guilt and desire to apologize in this poem.

This is one of those cases where it feels inappropriate to give writing suggestions because the context and the need for the poem is so personal and intense. I will say instead that you made it very vivid, and that it has a poetic quality even though it is quite direct.

Thank you for sharing

2
CrossroadsfareOP•

Thank you, I had never expected to use the CPR training I took in high school while working at a hotel. I appreciate your feedback

2
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