"I Am That I Am"

Who creates the darkness and the light?
Who divides the daytime from night?
Who draws the line between wrong and right?
You do,
You do.

Who knows your every thought and deed?
Who spoils your soul with hate and greed?
Who has exactly what you need?
You do,
You do.

Who puts the meaning behind your voice?
Who fills your heart when you rejoice?
Who enslaves your mind, but leaves you a choice?
You do,
You do.

Who gives you pleasures to tempt your taste?
Who gives you time with which to waste?
Who redeems you once you are disgraced?
You do,
You do.

Who's responsible for all your pain?
Who separates sacred from profane?
Who's name do you cry out in vain?
Your own,
Your own.

Posted Jul 19, 2012, 10:40 PM UTC

65
woahmanitsme•

This just sounds like a song- in that it's got that repetitiveness that is fine if backed with music but really falls apart on it's own.

Needs some more meat, it's all fluff

5
Bbaily•

Ok but... I'm pretty sure I've heard.... never mind...

3
bandpitdeviantOP•

Hmm? I'm confused.

1
Furtherthanfurther2013 Best Body of Work•

Yeah I'm right there with you

1
[deleted]•

Good stuff, Reminds me of Metallica lyrics. However, If you want to beef up it's poeticism (new word), and seperate it from sounding like song lyrics, then you should use less obscure concepts like pain, profane, vain, disgrace, and waste. Instead show the reader these concepts using techniques like metaphors, imagery, similes, and personification. Then again, if your going for the song vibe, then stick to it dude, sounds boss.

3