Source
r/OCPoetry•
Psychotic_Advantage

I Need Light (Prayer)

Poem

I Need Light (Prayer)

I get it all so I'm putting it down, with highly incredible technical, proficiency that makes you believe, believe yea the devil is he, no the devil ain't me, but I got evil in my jeans, dropping my keys and I'm dropping my knees, you see they're bloody see? You know this ain't me but it's a bloody scene, just another casualty of your debauchery, man it's not right, I lost sight after your fist in my eye, and now I'm under the streetlights, saying dark prayers on high, I need light, I need light, forced to step up for the uppercuts, so I rip shit, tight fisted, double grip, bloody facelift, you wanted laces you got laced kid, take me from this place, done flipping fakes, I want your warm face and grace, black lace on your waste, laid waist my disgraced taste, I just want your beautiful face, instead I'm here, with my rusted gear, on a mission I used to hold near, to my heart but my heart's turning garbage on this island, this island is me, I always got a weapon, you know I always got that, just reach behind and pull another knife out my back, here, I got another, you can have that, struggle hugs and other drugs, fake bitches pretending makeshift thugs, I don't mind your drugs, but you're bloodying my rugs, and now I gotta roll you up, really? This is what a man gotta do for a hug? I'm so tired of Hell, yea I navigate well, but hatred ain't mine to sell, I came with love, kisses and hugs, if this is it, I'm so fucking done, I ain't done wrong in so long , God treat me right, please treat me right, I'm on bloody knees in the night, I need light, I need light, please God, I really fucking need light

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/x0l8ph/love_is_worth_suffering_for/im99ti1?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/x034c3/my_26th/im9a1pz?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Aug 29, 2022, 2:06 PM UTC

27
Sultry_Argonian•

I liked the subject matter and rhymes here, but it definitely feels a bit disjointed. Flows more like a freestyle rap than a poem to me. Perhaps try adding some spaces to help with the flow, and culling some of the more redundant lines?

2
Psychotic_AdvantageOP•

It is a rap. I think I can tweak it a little bit to get the rythmn I have in my head to come more naturally. Probably won't flow though. It's disjointed by design to hit emphasis in places for extra technical difficulties in verbal throw down. lol, thank you!

1
Lumiere_de_hibou•

tbh, i think rap comes from the same energy as poems, even if they aren't the same. they are feelings in splayed out words, emotion in rhymes and hidden meanings.

1
Lumiere_de_hibou•

i like your work, emotionally it feel like, you really are desperate, for love, for affection, for something to bring you some kind of true happiness. it feels painful.

2
Psychotic_AdvantageOP•

Thank you. It's a truly truly dark story that landed me here. Horrifying really. Wrongfully jailed from an abusive ex, robbed of my ability to care for myself, stranded, starving, middle of nowhere, knife wounds all over from defending people's property....

On and on. It's crazy. Might actually be the craziest story I've heard in my lifetime. And I survived every time and...

That's my problem now. I'm not depressed. I overcame my life of debilitating depression... But I'm stuck. Just alone, far from anything, constantly barely weathering out the elements.

It's inhumane to let myself continue going, but overcoming 30 years of suicidal depression makes me feel like that tremendous hurdle was a waste to overcome.

That's what I'm so conflicted about TBH. I'm 50/50. I can't feel ok justifying to myself to keep going like this. But it's so special and I'm so proud of overcoming my demons with suicidal thoughts, that I can't be comfortable with that either.

I'm that dog that everyone knows should be put down, but winds up having a drawn out torturous death because it was too uncomfortable for anyone to take action.

That's dark. I'm sorry. I'm not depressed about it. Lol. Just as a matter of factly.... That's what I'm so conflicted about now. I'm missing love, human contact period, seeing people, having physical comfort, a warm meal, clean place, hygiene, clean water... I'm missing all of that. But it's not what bothers me anymore. It's this... constantly almost dying, over and over. Entirely alone. And it's entirely not my actions that got me here. And I fucking firmly stand by my actions because they've shown integrity comparable to Christ. I'll back that statement up too...

I'm sorry I just started going...

1
Lumiere_de_hibou•

it's a lot, it's true, but i feel like you needed to say it. if it all started coming out, that's apparently good for your healing.

your life sounds hard, you've been through a lot, and it sounds like, based on your words, that you didn't deserve any of it. everyone deserves love, you included.

i also know how it feels, to know you should be proud that you are strong, you took on the problems and more than survived them, you are powerful! but I think what some people don't realize, is that sometimes it's not strength that matters to you in that moment but simply to know you have a home with arms waiting to hold you. safety, warmth, love and affection, everything many take for granted. to know that for a moment, you are a child again and not have it be "a problem".

I admittedly don't like hearing people say, "they want to die" or to "just end their miserable lives" but, I have nothing to say except what I feel and believe.

I can't make promises that you'll find love or if you just try harder you'll bring yourself happiness. even though I know there are more than plenty enough people and more than plenty enough opportunities. in the end, statistics are just statistics, nothing that feels important.

I believe our world is amazing with so many wild possiblities, so much to learn but how do I show that to you who has only really experienced the opposite?

all I can personally say, is the truth. You deserve love, you deserve happiness, you deserve a place to come home to and safety. I earnestly hope, you find and make the life you are searching for, you deserve it.

1
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1