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Thanks so much for this feedback and glad (but I guess also a bit sad) that it resonated with you. So glad you liked it!

this one really resonated with me. I connected with these themes of being outside of your own body and the helplessness and loneliness here. Great job with the imagery. I also appreciate the short lines because it matches the tone perfectly. My main constructive feedback are small things. I think you can be even more sparse by withholding the word "lost" until just the end. So I think I would re-write "like being lost in a corn maze" to use another word. I also think you can move around the corn maze imagery so that the "hitching a ride on the storm winds" line more clearly connects with the "have my feet on the ground" imagery. but I also can see that disconnect being deliberate to match the content of the poem.  


also, this is likely just my own preference, but I think the double usage of "while" in the last five lines can draw away from the potency of your message here. I know there's parallels at play here but I think I would rewrite it so that I only use the word "while" once. t

my body

nothing. 

a heap of nonconductive matter

dark

cut off.

my mind

swirling energies

push and pull

and attack

threaten

and excite

periodically.

like being pulled into the air 

by a liberated bunch of balloons

hitching a ride on the storm winds 

like being lost in a corn maze

in the vast nighttime midwestern plains 

while yet needing

to pretend 

to have my feet on the ground.

while yet needing 

to pretend

to be not lost 

while wanting

to be found.

&amp;#x200B;

 [1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/j921ak/hollow/g8igtq7?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3), [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/jdxn8c/wasteful/g9d8ljf?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

embodied