Source
r/OCPoetry•
Avirup08

Remnants of Life

Poem

Oh what a tangled web we weave,

For the deepest thoughts we keep.

.

In an attempt to obscure the noise and the echo

Of the past we are so reluctant to let go.

.

For it fuels the madness seated deep inside,

Compelling us to believe that everyone is alike.

.

We've woven a world thread by thread,

Just so we can find solace in constant fret and regret.

.

As the hopes are passed on and never thought upon twice.

Painstakingly, free-will is gone and the ego never dies.

.

We are at its mercy and it must be satisfied,

For it loves nothing more than acceptance and pride.

.

We forget to remember and remember to forget,

We breathe, we laugh, we live, and yet we are dead.

.

  1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/x30b4x/walls/immp32n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/u6geka/i_didnt_fall_in_love/immq0w8?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Sep 1, 2022, 7:36 AM UTC · edited

56
Square-Sheepherder48•

Well done. Very dark and thoughtful with a nice rhythm.

As a quick-fire suggestion, how about a follow-up poem or two pinpointing specific thoughts of the past or the huge demands of the ego? I just think there is so much in this one poem you could develop further.

2
Avirup08OP•

Thank you so much! Love your suggestion, I'll try to delve deeper into this.

1
Square-Sheepherder48•

My pleasure, good luck with it all.

2
raazysh•

And yet we are dead. That line kind of brought the whole poem full circle. Very interesting way you choose to rhyme and placing the work in couplets made it an easy read and made me want to see what more was waiting on the other side of that period. Overall superb work! Keep on writing and contributing more. :)

2
Avirup08OP•

Thanks a million! Really appreciate the motivation.

1
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1