[1526] CHAPTER 1: THE ALCUNA CARD

Hi there!

This is the first chapter to a potential crime/noir story I’m toying around with.

FYI: this section has been edited and proofread but is part of a longer WIP. Any and all thoughts are welcome, but most of all, I want to know:

Are you interested enough to keep reading?

Chapter 1 (read-only version)

Chapter 1 (comments enabled)

A few questions to consider (once you’ve read the chapter):

(1) Does this opening feel like too much too soon?

(2) Does the narrative voice work? I stepped outside my normal style and did my best Dateline impression to better match the “true crime” milieu. But is it annoying to read?

(3) Does the back half of the scene drag? Is there too much crime scene clean-up detail?

(4) If you happen to be an avid basketball fan, do my game-related details add up? As a casual basketball fan who just recently binged HBO’s Winning Time, I am far from an expert on the topic.

(5) Are the little “weird fiction” hints I sprinkle in throughout the chapter intriguing? Or just confusing? Or did you even notice them?

Paid for by critique:

1613: What Happened in the Woods