Cigarettes/how do I unlearn to lie

How do I unlearn to lie

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My cigarette burned a scar on the heart shaped planter box my moms boyfriend obediently bought

A reminder of the habit she forced him to break

A younger man without a single unique thought

She forced and forced that relationship until it rot

Now every “filthy” puff I take makes me feel more awake

.

every breath of fresh air is a lesson I can’t take

I wish she could hear all my unspoken hate

I wish she would stop forcing

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Control is her addiction

Coping is mine

To keep my convictions

I’d have to yell all the time

.

So instead I inhale secret clouds of rebellion

My cigarette my one true companion

One I’ll never abandon

.

I hide my forbidden love with a long walk everyday

Since I was five she’s been telling me to exercise

It’s become the thing I most despise

But with my sweet, smokey lover, I could walk a million miles

.

as long as We are disobeying We can do anything

.

I wish I could see things through her eyes

But when she tries to show me all I see is red

.

To my surprise

I know she is right

But something inside me is making me fight

.

In the dark my tabbaco scented lover sneaks out my window in billows

Carving a divide

The Grand Canyon grows each night

.

Every cigarette is like that candy I wasn’t allowed to try

Until to my delight

I finally learned to hide

Those wrappers under my bed

A reminder to always lie instead

.

Of connecting

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