Frustrated and frankly tired

Hi! This may be long but I need a bit of a vent. What kind of topped it off today was for about the last week and a half my siblings introduced me to one of their friends they thought could be compatible with me. We haven’t talked much so far but he seems like a nice guy and he’s kinda cute! I’d kinda been looking forward to the weekend to go out ah but today I heard he got offered a job in a different state :/ I hardly know the guy so I’d want him to have a good job you know? But I couldn’t help but feel super disappointed.

Like I’ve been doing dating apps since I turned 18. And I’ll be 23 next month. It was ok for a while, I’d been on a few dates but not many I felt like I clicked with. I’ve only had 2 relationships, both under 3 months. This year I haven’t had much luck on the dating apps and it’s gotten me really bummed. I use the apps because I don’t really meet guys outside. I even worked at a bar for almost a year lol (maybe the wrong bar to meet a decently nice guy 😂).

I don’t really have any friends either. My messages consist of mainly family haha which isn’t bad, but I wish I had some kind of relationship outside of my family. I wish there was someone I could text or look forward to texting/seeing. I always feel like an extra, like people like me but wouldn’t be terribly sad if I wasn’t there.

I haven’t been in the mood to pursue like a real connection on the dating app lately. I’ve just been disappointed so many times that I don’t want to get my hopes up again whether that’s waiting for a text or going on a date. I’m tired of it lol. It drains me and it makes me sad.

I did go to therapy like 2 years ago and she was nice! She was more of a counselor so she encouraged me to try new clubs and meet people. But now I think I need to go back to therapy just to alter my thinking. I can feel myself becoming less optimistic, and when I get sad it takes up my entire day/night. I know there’s like cbt and I think with someone encouraging me it might be helpful.

The only person I really talk to about this is my mom. And I know she feels bad for me, but I don’t think she really understands how this feels. It just sucks. I have so many hobbies I love and 3 pets and I just wish I could be more happy with the things I have and not unhappy about the things I don’t have.

If you’ve read this far thanks for reading haha. I hope your evening is working better than mine :)