I lost my girlfriend to depression.

2 years and 2 months is how far we got. What used to be a loving relationship where we shared everything together as partners is done.

It started a few months ago when we found out our apartment complex rented our apartment out from under us. Apparently, the one email and text that sounded like a party going on was actually the deadline to renew the lease for the next year (5 months prior to the end of the lease). In the area we live in, you have to lock down a place to live at least 5 months in advance or you're screwed. So, we got stuck moving in with her parents. I almost got my own apartment, but I figured we could save money for a house and just tough it out for a few months. Little did I know this was the beginning of the end for us.

I had a few weeks before school started (I'm a teacher) so I relaxed in my last few weeks of freedom. About a week after we moved in, I had the last real conversation with my ex. She told me that she blamed herself for our situation and she felt her depression picking up. I told her that it wasn't her fault and that her parents were really helping us out. The situation wouldn't be forever and we could get past it. We were a power couple.

The next few weeks, she stopped talking to me; stopped wanting to go on dates; stopped all forms of intimacy. I chalked it up to the stress of adapting to our new situation, but I felt her walls going up and it hurt.

I finally confronted her on the weekend of my birthday. We had gone out and I was upset after weeks of living like roommates. When she finally asked me what was wrong, I told her I was frustrated with our relationship. It felt like there was no love there; like we just coexisted in each other's space. I told her I need more.

The next day, we had a great day together. Went to a picnic with her family and had the house to ourselves for the night. We had intimacy for the first time in a month and it was great. I thought we had fixed the relationship. Then that's when things got really bad.

First, my phone broke and then my laptop screen. Then I got Covid for a week and she couldn't seem happier to have me isolate for a week. Immediately after testing negative, I developed cellulitis around my belt line. I had to still go to work because I had just missed a week of school and I just started a new school with new classes to teach. It was really rough. I went to the ER twice that week; alone both times.

Our final week together; She consistently prioritized other people over me. Some instances that happened: I brought her a taco after school one day and in return she made just enough food for dinner for everyone except for me; She walked into the living room while I was watching a show and doing work and she just changed it to whatever she wanted to watch without even asking me; I asked her to go on a date with me after helping her father on a Friday night and she Immediately said no without any discussion; I had told her about a family get-together of mine for August birthdays. She Immediately began making excuses as to why she couldn't go. Things like "We have to leave at 10 a.m. and that's too early" and " I will miss church." However, she did end up agreeing to go. That Friday. I helped her and her father park cars for a football game. While I'm helping her and her dad out, she informs me that I need to help her newly-divorced friend move boxes and then babysit her daughter so she can go drink with her friend that night. Not only that, she would need to be there to support her friend more on Sunday and couldn't come to my parent's.

I finally confronted her again and said it didn't really surprise me as she had been making excuses to go from the beginning. She then tried to say we could go on a date that night then. However, I didn't want her to go on a date with me like it's a chore. We went back home after parking cars and I tried to talk to her that night. She shut it down again not wanting to speak to me at all. I then decided it wouldn't just be a Sunday trip home; it would be a weekend trip.

I went and talked to her again and said we were living like roommates. I told her she didn't prioritize me at all. I asked who she prioritized right now in her life. She rattled off 10 people higher on her list of priorities than me. I told her I can't keep putting her as my #1 when I'm her #15. I asked her what was normal and healthy about our relationship. She said we didn't cheat on each other and we didn't really fight. I told her that wasn't nearly enough for a relationship. I told her all I really wanted was to talk to her again; to have my partner back. I told her she needed to think about what she wanted while I was gone for the weekend.

I left for the weekend and tried to process everything and prepare for any outcome. When I got back to talk to her, she said that she got into a relationship too soon with me and should take time for herself as a single mom. As I began to get emotional, she told me I needed to call a friend to see if I could stay with them and I had a week to get out. She was indifferent through the whole process. I ended up finding a friend to stay with, but I couldn't stay until today. In the meantime, I had to stay at her parent's. She acted like my existence was an annoyance to her. She would even go out of her way to torture me while I just tried to keep the peace. I still love this girl after all. I still instinctively wanted to do all the things for her that I always did, but she just took every opportunity to stomp on my soul.

Finally, last night, I asked her for one last conversation before I left. It would be the last one we ever had so I could get some closure. She said she thought we already had closure, but I clarified; before, I was trying to save the relationship and I'm not doing that anymore. I asked her when she had fallen out of love with me. She tried to say she still loves me, but I stopped her there. I told her that someone who loves me wouldn't treat me the way she treats me. She just said she didn't know. So I started asking for when exactly did she fall out of love with me. Was it before or after we had moved into her parent's? She said she didn't know. I asked her if it was after she had told me two weeks prior that watching me feed a toddler Kona ice had made her want another baby. She said she just wanted a baby and I asked why she said it as a response to my actions. She had no answer. Finally, she said she didn't know when she fell out of love, she just doesn't feel anything.

At that point, my suspicions were confirmed. My ex-girlfriend's depression had ramped up all right. She was numb and very depressed. She had decided that she must be miserable because of me; consciously or subconsciously. The months of confusion finally snapped into place. When I told her my suspicions, it struck a nerve with her. She got up and said she wasn't here for a counselor.

I finally felt at peace for a moment. I knew then that I had done everything I could and that her depression had brought us here. If she refused to get help, I couldn't make her. My appetite came back for the first time tonight. I've lost 20+ lbs. in the past two months. 10 of those lbs. were in the past two and a half weeks. My life was upended. I lost a place to live, her daughter whom I cherish, my cat who loves me, and worst of all, the girl who I shared love with for years.

I miss the girl who used to share everything with me and I despise the emotionless husk left behind after untreated depression.

That's my story. I just needed to get it out.

Tl;Dr My girlfriend fell out of love with me due to depression and lack of any feeling.