ack! need sounding boards for opening up again / swinging

TL;DR I'm looking for spaces to ask questions & share worries -- Any recommendations?

• We're returning to "the lifestyle" (and OMG, can we please rebrand swinging?) and trying to meet couples or singles. We're looking for what we've decided to call "partners in crime" - people we could really like as friends & lovers, go to parties with, share experiences with, etc.

•I'm a cis-bi woman, are you? I struggle with other women who round up or round down. Are you bi? Bi-curious? Bi-comfortable (and is that REAL or just a way to be shy and weird about it?) Are you into effing other women just because your spouse finds it sexy? That makes me uncomfortable at best and feels shitty and disingenuous at worst. But how do I navigate this?

• OMG, so many random anxieties!! After a long break from this, all these old questions and fears are swirling in my head, like - does everybody hate all pubic hair out there? how do you navigate disparate interests? What if I'm not vibing with both of you? Or either of you, but my spouse is? If I share my photo, is it going to turn out I know you from work? Admit I need my vibrator always or play along? ...are their subreddits where folks are posting these questions? Are their subreddits where folks who identify as female can ask these of one another? Online swinger forums are couples-based and linked to your main ad profile, so you can't ask these in a "safe space".

• Looking back, I was really lonely. I didn't share any of this stuff with my day to day friends the last time we did any of this. Only when we were in a relationship, for real, did we come out to everyone. I kept all this to myself and I don't want to do that again. I'm looking for (online or local) community where other folks have the same shared experience and are there for one another, can be open and honest...any ideas?

• Swinger sites are quirky! (nicest word I could think of) I could write a lot about this, but we've agreed to delegate them to him so I don't have to navigate, respond to weird flirts or trolls or fakes.

• What's the line between poly & swinging? We've been in swinging lifestyle before. Then we were in a relationship with a couple and then just a woman, and then tool a long break. I'm drawn to the openness, vulnerability, genuine emotions and seemingly more frank convos of overheard /adjacent poly friends. But we want to have sex together with others, too. So...where to meet people?