This borders on the purple prose staple "It was a dark and stormy night", so unless you want to call to that, I'd avoid that phrase. Snoopy would be proud though.

Hi! Thank you for the feedback! I agree that line is particularly awkward sounding. I was trying to call to the movement of the tides, the wave being close in proximity, than distant as the tide changes from high to low. Absence persistent, the subjects absence is felt every second of every day. Thank you again!

Nice comparisons and choice of words. So here the speaker compares the ocean and its jargon with someone loved/close.

Waves close than distant

Your absence persistent

Wasn't able to comprehend the above two lines though.

Thanks for this poem.

Good use of the comparison of the ocean to what I presume is a deceased loved one, especially with the rhyming between lines. Good work, keep it up!

I like the comparison you use here, someone lost and the ocean, the parallelism has such a cross over that fits together so beautifully. Ebbs and flows, highs and lows, two of the same, yet so different.


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I miss the ocean
 
I miss you


Waves roaring

Emotions soaring


The ebbs and flows

The highs and lows


Stormy and dark

Your absence stark


Waves close than distant

Your absence persistent


Shoreline decreased

You, finally,


at peace. 




https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xag9am/forever_undecided/intjzi2/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xadhw2/the_hidden_door/intm0ol/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

Ocean/ You