~
While my body runs quick,
time seems to skip.
Every second seems to slip,
still knowing I’ll eventually quit.
but as my body starts to slow,
with my confidence at a low.
i’ll wish to go fast,
with no regard for my past.
And yet I’ll always know,
with time running fast or slow.
That when my time runs low,
I’ll wish I went slow.
~
Posted Sep 10, 2022, 6:42 PM UTC · edited
I like this because I feel like I could apply it to different things within my own life. It could be a toxic relationship I keep going back to or a harmful habit I can’t seem to kick. Either way, I think you’ve captured the feeling of being your own worst enemy, knowing why, and still doing it anyways. I’m not a fan of the repetition of words though, especially when it’s the rhyme.
Thank you! And thanks for the feedback :)
I love how this poem says a lot while saying so little. Simple, effective, relatable, and evocative. i love stanzas and rhyme schemes like that and do it a lot myself so it's super cool to see it elsewhere.
My only critique would be to take out the "but" and the "And" since the new stanzas already indicate a transition so a transitory word isn't fully necessary, but it doesn't take away from the poem and still has a consistent flow and feel that is nice throughout each stanza. The repetition and the inversion of the theme is also really cool. Also definitely relate to this poem heavy, great poem.
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