Wow, I can totally relate to this poem since I had an experience where I feel like a too "chased my dream girl", and for a while I too wondered "what I did wrong". 

My favorite line was "My love lay latent". It sounds good to my ear and feels good saying that. 

What could make this more compelling, and I wonder about the character here, is if you gave us more about why the character believes the romantic partner left. 

Having the character ruminate a lite more on the why might give the poem a little more dimension.

I enjoyed it!

So sad. I felt a sense of attachment to this poem that brings me almost comfort that someone else went through the same event as me. I could feel the winterish coldness this poem brings about. The 6 years makes me think of a 6 year winter... of just nothing. Really strong poem!!


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Ah thank you! I had messed up on the line spacing. Good info. Thanks!

I agree with the formatting comment mentioned above. I would also like to add that in some places the meaning wasn't as clear as you may have intended it to be. I find that in such scenarios proof reading after a break from firdt writing your draft helps. Otherwise, one can tend to overlook their mistakes. Other than that, great work! I hope to read more of your works soon. :)

Definitely dabble with formatting, some line breaks would be helpful.

The rhyme was nice, and so was the flow.

Love is a fickle feathered thing, could easily recognize the longing you displayed.

6 years of silence in my heart

Praying and patience 

My love lay latent

Having hope and believing you would come

Come, call, write 

Shed your bright love light...

But no hope in sight

I miss you, dream of you and love you, My all

Was there really that much hate to build a wall?

We once laid looking into each others souls

Now mine lays dormant and cold

Waiting for you

Waiting for love, the return




1-https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xfixxm/minutes/ionehg8/
2- https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xfg794/you_and_me/ioneo96/

6 years Sunk