snappsssss “as we share our secrets and lie to ourselves” ughhh goosebumps you paint such a simple picture that’s so easy to follow!


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I love the imagery here. It’s so simple and clear.

To me I get the message that although the other person is receiving with open arms you fear that feeling at first. Until you are able to release those shackles that restrain from being able to truly love

Okay, I love this poem. It seems very simple, and to a certain extent it is, but the way you very effectively juxtapose each line with the next- like call and response- is super effective to me. It’s cathartic. I also appreciate how visceral your phrasing is, and then on top of that, its rhyme pattern is pretty damn solid.

I could see the gaze in the dark. I could also sense the whole feel of the poem. The affair has no mention of the other person in the relationship. That could add an element to the poem!

I felt every bit of this. It really cut. I love a short poem that creates such a mood so quickly. I enjoyed how the poem began first by keeping separate the “you” and “me”  (your heart/my stomach…..you see/my eyes) and ended with “our secrets/ourselves”. After the restraint drops the two become one. Very nice.

The imagery is good and the flow is consistent.

I would critique dropping the rhyme scheme within the first two stanzas, though this is a minor thing, as the rest of the piece doesn't seem bound to a rhyme scheme in general.

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Personally I enjoy the adherence to dichotomy within your piece, the contrasts are stark and deliberate. You may wish to improve these with technical augmentations to syllabic choice. (E.I. the flow of these contrasts can be directed by choosing longer or shorter words which in turn can provide a clearer interpretation of the emotion you seek to convey.)  

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Well done.

I love the feeling this poem gives me. So familiar, yet something that can't be explained normally. This indeed, expresses the beauty of poetry.

I would suggest dropping the “ through” in the 3rd line and change “ because “ to “while” in the 4th. The poem is short , the rhyme scheme works throughout and the last lines create an interesting ambiguity. Keep writing.

this is incredible. it’s amazing to see someone create such a vivid picture in so few words. this is so powerful, start to finish. I wouldn’t change a thing

Alright, this sent me back in time to a moment I had with an ex-girlfriend of mine. Especially the last part, "As we whisper our secrets and lie to ourselves.", really gets the feeling of falling out of love, before the realization that you don't love the person anymore. 

Great poem! :)

You open your heart

while my stomach knots tight.

Your gaze cuts through the dark

because my eyes shine bright.

Time seems frozen in place

and restraint starts to melt.

As we whisper our secrets

and lie to ourselves.

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[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xhift6/comment/ioxssr6/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xhdbvl/comment/ioxw2yl/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

An Emotional Affair