Thank you! That’s a great piece you wrote, I’ll definitely use it for reference for future haiku’s!

see:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments/wjgynv/poem_haiku_by_basho_buson_issa_ryokan_shiki_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Could elaborate more on the third line, and the last part?

the third line "surprise,"
needn't see five-seven-five
complete, as a rule  ... 

as japanese is
far more nuanced than english, 
within its meanings;

what's most important
is the beauty, humor, truth
your story conveys.

haiku isn't read
like a broken sentence, it's
life that's happening.

This is very helpful, thank you for reading and for your input!

I have two suggestions:

1. Try to make each line an independent clause.

I think most people who enjoy Haiku would agree with me in saying that a single sentence split up into three lines of 5-7-5 does not amount to a Haiku. Typically, each line of a haiku should be intelligible even if it's read on its own. Of course, if you happen to find a way for a line to make sense when read on its own and as a continuation of the previous line, all power to ya!

2. Find images or scenes that capture the message(s) you mean to convey.

As it stands, your haiku reveals its thesis in plain text. It's clear... but it isn't fun. I think the fun in Haiku (for the writer and the reader) comes from making/projecting meaning onto imagery. It might help to ask yourself the following: if one photo could capture the message I mean to convey, what would it look like? Now, describe it.

I hope this helps. Thank you for sharing!

Nice piece short but thought provoking as a haiku should be. The message is kinda generic as in the experience of life teach us, but the way that message is written by you is nice. Awesome work.


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As students of life

Experience is teacher, 

And lessons are lived



https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xfmhj4/let_the_good_be_good/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xg339o/sugar_crusts/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf

Existence (A Haiku)