Specific Tire Needs - All Four 2019 XLE - Chunky Streets

Hey friends, I know there have been a ton of posts about tires already (which I've gone through before posting), but I'm not seeing anything that addresses my specific needs.

It's time to replace all four tires. I live in the city and do a fair amount of highway driving--people are legitimately insane drivers here, so it's some Frogger shit and I require a certain amount of zip and maneuverability just to survive.

The car already has more road noise than I'd like, and I suppose that means I'd want a smoother tire for less noise. Also, it's rainy here, so traction is important, but it's never snowy (knock on wood, thanks climate change).

The caveat is that I also do a ton of residential driving, which is basically like off-roading, our streets are SO bad. I can't overstate this. They're really bad, y'all. The tires would need to be sturdy enough to not bust easily--no road bike tires.

I like the more rugged look, and when I bought the car, I planned to replace the tires with something beefier. I'd be interested in going that route and compromising some road noise for the street cred (I can always look into other ways to dampen the noise). I also wouldn't mind the lift of a larger tire, but if it's going to rub when I hit a pothole, that's not going to work out. The height does really help with our chunky streets, though. I've also been told that bigger tires mess with the mph if I change the size?

The one thing I'm less concerned about is the mpg, because I pretty much keep to the city and do fine on gas. It's much better than our 4Runner, and that's all I really need.

Clearly, I'm a tire novice. I'm not going to lie--my dad used to do this stuff for me because he was a mechanic, but now he's a hospital admin, and I don't need to be asking for his plentiful but misinformed opinions. I'd rather do so here! Kidding, folks. Kidding.

Anyway, I would really appreciate any ideas y'all have, especially where I should/could compromise on these features. TIA!