What's your experience with a deadbeat SO?
Posted Sep 28, 2022, 2:45 PM UTC
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[deleted]
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This is the internet, we transcend time lmao
Eating straight up cream cheese is something I tried once, couldn't do it.
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My ex SO was a porn addict, cheater, liar, and manipulator. He had a son, so he also has child support payments he has to make. He was in and out of jobs constantly. Because he would work until the state realized where he was working and would take child support. Then he would somehow "get fired" or usually "quit" bc the employer was "racist". His child support was so behind the state had suspended his liscense. I didn't know until I saw a notice on the bed he left open on evening. Mind you he was driving my car, bc he didnt have one, WITH NO LISCENSE. He coulda gotten my car impounded. Thankfully that never happened. Stopped letting him take my car after that. I couldn't depend on him ever to help with bills. He never worked more than 3 days a week bc he didnt want work to be his whole life.. so it left me working 55hrs a week making OT to try to keeps bills paid and food on the table for him and his son. After doing that for 3 years I kicked him out. I got injured at work and my worker comp checks were taking forever. So instead of him picking up more hours, he worked less then spent the last of his tiny ass paycheck on going to an arcade, instead of buying food for his kid, and gas in the car to drop kid off at moms/baseball. His priorities were anything that wasnt his SO or his son.
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I don't have any, luckily. As a man, I don't look to my SO to provide for me, so they can't really be deadbeat in relation to me. I take care of myself.
But even with that fact in place, I also tend to not date losers. A deadbeat just isn't attractive to me. I like people with drive, with some personal goals and ambition. Nothing crazy, but they need to be a PARTNER in my life, not ride coat-tail.
What would you do if, say, your partner became a deadbeat over the course of years?
I am married now, so it would be an obstacle we must work together to overcome. I would call out my partner, lay out the fact. Discuss the "why" with them. Gameplan a path to fix the obstacle and move forward together.
But a relationship is a 2-way street. They need to accept my concerns, agree with our compromised gameplan, and then work on it. If they do not, if they just keep on fucking up... Then not only are they heading down a path I can't follow... but they are disrespecting me at the same time, to not heed the compromise we BOTH worked TOGETHER to come up with. That shows that they don't respect me or care about us, not really.
I'm married. "For better or worse, in sickness and in health" so I'd give them as much of a chance as possible. But if they aren't willing to be present in the relationship and put effort and respect towards the relationship... then it's *them* giving up on the marriage, not me. If they do that, the relationship erodes and eventually there is nothing left to keep me around.