Thank you, my friend! I appreciate it 😊

You're right, this is a solid truth that you've captured in this poem. It's very potent. I think you could spruce up the lines a little bit to make it more rhythmic, but it doesn't need to be more of anything. You said exactly what was intended without an extra word, and that's impressive.

Thank you! I have a few different styles of writing and one of them that I try to attain is one of simplicity, in words and format, yet meaningful and thought-provoking when strung together. I love taking an intriguing concept and turning it into a story. Thank you again, my friend. I appreciate you!

"And I met mine far too long ago"

How is this just a simple sentence yet so impactful?! It made me think of the last time I genuinely smiled. Great piece!

No doubt! I just posted a poem called “a fallen star” that is a conveyance of my dealings with loneliness

Thank you for your comment, my friend 😊

I don’t really follow the scheme but I still love the way you convey the idea of the lonesome death. Very big plot twist from where you let us begin with.

Thank you!! Stay on the lookout soon because I might just have a follow up piece to this coming.. happy writing!

love the blunt nature of the poem and the bleakness of its outlook, reminds me of myself :)


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

I'm always here to talk! I'm glad that this piece was moving for you but I'm also somber for the reasoning for you. Keep your head up, my friend, you're an amazing individual capable of even more amazing things in life

This makes me want to cry because of how much I feel this. This is so heartbreaking, but far too true.

Funny you mention that.. I just so happen to have a follow up piece to this in the works that dives deeper 😊 I wasn't intending on expanding this one much beyond surface level, but I do with the next - so stay tuned! Thank you so much for your kindness and compliments. I appreciate it!

I enjoyed the chilly feel of this poem, and always appreciate a poem that plays with death. I also liked the unexpected rhyme in the sixth and eighth lines. I feel that you could flesh this piece out a bit. What does "dying inside" look like? Sound like? How can you deepen the layers of the poem, and further immerse the reader in the textures and tones you're aiming for? I would like to be taken inside your world a bit more and really feel like I live there.

Hi there! Yes, I certainly have/did 😊 all I will say is...  you might find your answer out in time! *spoiler alert* >!this is not the last of the Death entries... so stay tuned !< 😉 I appreciate your comment and I hope you enjoy some of my other pieces as well. You're welcome to send me a dm if you have ideas on this piece, critiques or anything at all. I'd love to hear them. Thank you so much!

Hi!!! I like your poem a lot. Have you thought of adding a bit to the form so it reflects your message? i envision a form that invokes a lot of suspense with this one (: anyway, I loved it!!

It’s definitely a relatable piece. That sad feeling of bare emptiness you feel on some days - when you don’t even want to leave your bed.

My only feedback I can think (because I really like it) is maybe to do with structure. Separating the lines even slightly will just add so much more emphasis for a reader to fully get the emotions within the piece.

Thanks so much for posting this!

I love your poem. I felt so deeply this one.

Death x 3