5 things I should have said when we decided to remain friends

I finally know what to say.

1. Every time I lie awake in my bed, I imagine why we don’t talk like we used to or never really talked again like the first weekend I met you. Then I close my eyes deeply and torture myself with images that you never deleted, that you never could accept to be rid off and the full on lie you told me that you would try. I cry because I’ve closed my eyes too tightly. In the year we’ve seen each other, it especially hurt to think that you knew what was missing, what was wrong, why you never let go and why you had just not been there for me or with me.

2. Times I needed to move, times alone at the same crowds we were both in, time I had a flat that stressed me tf out, times I wanted to meet the people you knew and for you to meet the people I wanted you to know, times I just wanted another person visibly show happiness that we were together, you weren't there, all while being 10 minutes away.

3. No hugs, sorries, kisses just ‘I’m busy’ and ‘I won’t be staying long’. You shouldn’t be telling anyone what to expect if you trust them to know you better.

4. I should have known there was something to look out for when each problem I told you about you thought would be solved with a virtual movie show then it made sense then it made sense that you’ve watched so much.

5. We never really knew each other. I wanted to but you never cared.

I am returning the book you gave me when we broke up cos u felt bad. I can’t finish it because it feels like a bribe and I’m not too fond of Patti Smith.

P.S. if i misunderstood, please explain. If you can’t, don’t bother