I really like this, takes me right back to high school, doomed love and all of that great teenager stuff.

Perhaps one thing to think about might be the structure of your piece.  Does it work well as prose? Maybe there are spots where lines could be broken up into stanzas to enhance the effect you are after?

One further thing to think about is your consistency in how you're using your grammar. Most lines begin with capital letters, some don't. Some sentences start with a capital letters, some don't. I know this seems like a boring thing, but remember- every element of a poem is a choice!

Overall, loved it!

that's a very optimistic way of looking at it, I like your style :)

Look at it like this. That 2%, those people are crazy. You grow so much throughout your education that you're not the same person you were when you went in. And then you grow for another 4 or 5 years after highschool. So the 2%, they either peaked in highschool and refuse to grow up, or they're happy with the nearly-bipolar nature of a developing brain and don't mind carrying that lifestyle into adulthood.

You being the 98% means that you're ***normal***, and trust me from someone who's had a very un-normal childhood and life thus far, normal is *good.*

Are you wanting proof reading critique or just venting?

Really liked the lingering feeling of this poem – the constant questioning, the unacceptance of it being as it is, and all. This was great. I don't know what the feeling is called, but maybe the one of remarkability. I thought this was particularly impactful for me "But now? look at us / A statistic. a number. / 98%, we're the trendsetters / Just one of thousands of other couples who broke up this summer / Just like them / it cheapens it". Great poem.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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I like the others understand the deep longing that comes after the end of a relationship in any means - especially when you think a relationship exceptional or even yourself as exceptionally deserving of such a relationship. 

I also agree with a previous commenter who says that this piece could be improved with some structuring and some punctuation (then again punctuation’s necessity is only within where you wish the reader to place a pause and you have placed it in certain sentences). 

I also love the throwback at the start and the end to high school - its memories and seems unimportant to most in the grand scheme of life, but its memories that last our life, especially high school heartbreak.

Thanks for sharing, I hope writing it helped you process the experience. Maybe looking into what percentage of the 2% that wound up married actually remain married or can call themselves happy*. Believe it or not, the stats may be seriously on your side.

I love the overall feeling of desperation that really comes across in the speakers voice.

This one can hit home for some who are in high school or just graduated. Reminded me of myself and a couple of friends. I don't think enough poems like this exist, even with the romance ones. Too many romance stories are just copy and paste from different people. Good to see one that seems to be more personal and relatable to people who could use something like this.

I also really like the use of statistics. Adds to the emotions being brought in the poem!



The truth is I knew that we weren't going to work out

I mean, it's high school

But there was always a part in my mind that thought, we'd be the exception

2% of high school sweethearts get married

Why couldn't us be that too? It's not a rule

And I'm a good kid, a good guy, who does good at school and who follows the rules

I deserved a high school sweetheart

I wanted a love story

I wanted to be the couple that others were jealous of

But now? look at us

A statistic. A number.

98%, we're the trendsetters

Just one of thousands of other couples who broke up this summer

Just like them

It cheapens it

Like my love for you didn't feel like it couldn't travel the world

Like the love I had was somehow born to be flawed

But it's just high school, right?

I wanted so much, even though we would never work

&amp;#x200B;

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xu8h5l/comment/iquz9q0/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) &amp; [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xt26n1/comment/iqqfl4l/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)